


You Got This Way About You

by pressedbean24



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Because Soft Tobin makes me WEAK, Coworker AU, F/F, Fluff, Happy Hour is a big deal in NYC, Soft Tobin, They work at a women's magazine but its not that important, and it's possible consequences, like very minimal, mentions of past alcohol misuse/abuse, minimal angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2020-08-20 05:28:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20222578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressedbean24/pseuds/pressedbean24
Summary: Christen realizes Tobin isn’t really a big drinker either, she just seems to like the social aspect of being out and she talks to everyone, jumping in and out of multiple conversations with ease. She's just as charming and engaged here as she is around the office, if not more so.About an hour later Christen realizes she’s actually having a pretty good time, but she’s fighting her second yawn within a few minutes and decides to call it a night, using getting home to let her dogs out as her excuse.Sliding into her Uber home, she decides she should actually join in on this weekly office tradition more often, and she tells herself it’s just to push her comfort zone and get out more, and not because Tobin’s jawline looked unusually good in the dim bar lighting as she nursed her beer.-----------------------------------Coworker AU. Mostly fluff because there is enough bad shit in the world right now.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have no idea how online magazines/websites work. Or much about photojournalism for that matter, but I'm trying my best out here.

Christen loves her job. She’s been with the site since the beginning, and has loved watching it grow from just a few women wanting to publish their own stories and experiences with health and wellness, to a full fledged online women’s health and lifestyle magazine covering an array of topics. And they are still constantly looking for new ways to grow and expand into new areas.

She started off with a simple column about yoga for beginners, and now she writes all sorts of stuff about mindfulness, meditation, her own journey with both, and badass women in the health and wellness field. If she’s lucky, sometimes she’ll score big interviews with and write features on female athletes too.

She has a good life, close friends in the office, a supportive family, and it’s hard to beat being a writer in the greatest city in the world. She hasn’t dated in a while, but she’s not too concerned about that. She knows someone will come along when the time is right. She’s happy.

On this particular day, Christen is tasked with giving a tour of the office to Allie, the new social media head they just hired. The last girl was nice, but she was more concerned with becoming an instagram “influencer” (whatever that means) than actually helping to grow the website and their mission. Allie is assigned the newly empty desk next to Christen’s and she’s happy to show her new neighbor the ropes. They’re almost back around to their desks when they hear a burst of laughter from somewhere towards the back of the open floor plan.

“Who is that?”

“Oh that’s Josh, he’s a total goofball but a nice guy. He was actually the first guy we ever hired and it was a big topic of discussion but”

“No not him…the woman he’s talking to,'' she says without looking away. And of course she means Tobin.

“Oh that’s Tobin, she has sort of a photojournalism type series about women in art and fashion, mostly street wear I think. But sometimes she’ll do other shoots and assignments too. I don't fully understand, but we brought her on to add another dimension to the site. She hasn’t been here too long either so you guys have something in common.”

Christen very quickly learned that everyone likes Tobin the moment they meet her, across all genders and sexualities. She just has that charisma that draws people in. Christen doesn’t know her that well, Tobin’s only been with the site a few months, but she can tell Tobin is a charmer and a total people person. She’s always being stopped to chat at someone’s desk or people are constantly coming up to hers. She fits in well, she’s super talented from what Christen can tell, and her series is a huge hit already. It also helps that she’s objectively attractive and has a certain swagger, Christen can admit that much.

Christen knows she herself is well respected in the office; pretty much everyone makes pleasant conversation in passing or the break room, and occasionally will solicit her for life advice. She leads open meditation and yoga classes for the office once a week and she knows her own coworkers sometimes read her articles and take them to heart. She just tends to keep more to herself for the most part. She has her close couple of friends she’s worked with for years and she’s happy with that.

She looks back at Allie to see her biting her lip towards where Tobin laughs with Josh and she knows _that_ *look*. She just laughs to herself, “come on I’ll show you the supply room and get you all set up at your desk” she redirects without offering to introduce them.

Allie settles in nicely, she talks with pretty much every resident writer on the team just to get a feel for things and brainstorm ideas. She meets with the digital design team and very quickly starts strategizing ways to build their social media followings. She had no problem introducing herself to Tobin and chatting her up about her pictures and wanting to use them sometimes for the instagram account. Christen knows right away that she’s good, and the site is already better off with her on the team.

There’s a group from the office that goes out to happy hour pretty much every Friday after work. The size of the group fluctuates depending on the week and which bar they decide to hit up, but there’s a few core members who pretty much never miss it. Its tradition. Christen has gone in the past, back when it first became a thing with their tiny but growing group of writers and she didn’t want to be a downer. But in the last couple years she’s preferred to head back to the quiet of her cozy apartment for a nice relaxing end to her often hectic weeks, cuddling on the couch with her dogs and some wine. A small part of her knows it’s probably not helping her non-existent dating life, but she’s okay with that. Meeting people in bars has never appealed to her. Even Alex and Julie have stopped bugging her to go on the nights they decide to join.

Christen is getting ready to leave for the night when Tobin comes up to their neighboring desks to invite Allie along after her first week. Allie of course enthusiastically agrees and starts gathering her things.

Christen glances up from logging out of her computer and realizes Tobin is looking at her now, before quickly looking back down.

“You wanna come too CP?"

She looks back up, slightly surprised. Tobin never really says much to her other than a simple “hey CP” in passing. She doesn’t take it personal, even though Tobin talks to pretty much everyone else. She knows she can be a little closed off and quiet most of the time. She’s friendly with everyone, but for the most part the only people she talks to or hangs out with regularly are Alex and Julie, and sometimes Ali and Ashlyn. She also doesn’t know where Tobin even got that nickname from, no one has called her that since college. It used to get on her nerves a little back then but obviously Tobin doesn't know that. And she doesn’t really mind anymore.

Christen assumes Tobin just didn’t want to be rude, and she gives off a “the more the merrier!” type vibe when going anywhere, even if it's just asking for company to the break room for more coffee.

“Oh no that’s okay, I’m not really the going out type. But you guys have fun,” she smiles politely, and puts her head back down. She can feel Tobin looking at her a little longer before Allie is grabbing her things and saying “alright Heath, why don’t you show me what this little tradition is all about” in a slightly too playful tone to be completely innocent.

Christen laughs to herself, Allie is not all that subtle and she can’t help but admire her confidence. She watches the group pile into the elevator to head out, before she grabs her bag and coat and heads home to Netflix and her dogs. And maybe a big glass of wine to cap off the week.

The next couple weeks pass without anything too remarkable happening. The weather continues to warm and everyone in the office has a little more life in them these days now that the NYC winter is retreating.

Allie quickly became another regular with happy hour and it’s pretty much assumed she’s always going. But Tobin still comes by every Friday to ask, and every time she throws in an “are you sure you don’t want to come CP?” And still Christen declines.

On this Friday, after a particularly long and stressful week with multiple deadlines and interviews for features, Christen can’t wait to go home and have an Olivia Pope sized glass of wine… or 3.

Tobin comes over with a big smile, like she always does, and this time when she says “you know the invite is always open CP”, Christen hesitates. Tobin seems to notice she didn’t decline right away and her smile grows almost imperceptibly before Christen even says anything.

“You know what, I could actually really use a drink today. And I haven’t been out in a long time”.

Tobin smiles so big it takes up her whole face, and she can't help but smile back.

“Wait really??” Christen just nods and starts shutting down her computer before she can change her mind.

“Awesome! It will be fun, I promise”.

“Only one drink though, I’m pretty tired and liquor isn’t usually my drink of choice. But it’s been a rough few days so a real drink sounds good right now”

Tobin looks like she wants to ask questions, but Allie jumps in first, “alright then!! Let's hit the town ladies” and the three of them start making their way to where everyone else is gathering at the front of the office. Christen mostly looks at the ground because she doesn’t want to look up and see Tobin smiling at her again.

As they leave the office, the rest of the group are pleasantly shocked to see that Christen is joining this time. But instead of making a big deal of it to her, one of them makes some quip about “that Tobin Heath charm” and Christen doesn’t know if she should blush or be offended. Tobin just laughs the comment off as the elevator doors open back up to the main lobby of the building.

“Maybe I just got tired of her asking me every Friday and wanted to get her off my back, she’s very persistent”. Christen means it as a joke, and the entire group laughs and teases Tobin in good fun. But Christen swears she sees the tiniest amount of what she thinks is disappointment cross Tobin’s features, before she covers it and right back to joking around too.

Christen doesn’t know why the exchange gives her a funny feeling in her stomach as they make their way out into the street.

When they arrive at some bar a few blocks away that’s not too divey but not too fancy either, Christen slides into a stool next to Alex. She knows everyone here but this still hasn’t really been her scene for a long time and she needs that little bit of comfort. Tobin ends up across from her and slightly to the left next to Allie, but she still shoots her a cheeky smile when they make eye contact the first time while conversations start up around them. She maybe does it the second and third time too, but Christen averts her eyes too quickly to be sure.

Christen realizes Tobin isn’t really a big drinker either, she just seems to like the social aspect of being out and she talks to everyone, jumping in and out of multiple conversations with ease. She's just as charming and engaged here as she is around the office, if not more so.

About an hour later Christen realizes she’s actually having a pretty good time, but she’s fighting her second yawn within a few minutes and decides to call it a night, using getting home to let her dogs out as her excuse.

Sliding into her Uber home, she decides she should actually join in on this weekly office tradition more often, and she tells herself it’s just to push her comfort zone and get out more, and not because Tobin’s jawline looked unusually good in the dim bar lighting as she nursed her beer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tobin Tuesday! 
> 
> FYI in this universe, they never played each other in college.

Tobin finds Christen in the break room the next Monday staring intently at the vending machine.

“Tough decisions to make?”

Christen jumps slightly and swings her head towards Tobin with a hand flying up to her rapidly beating heart.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Its okay, I uhh.. I’m just a little out of sorts today. I woke up late and rushing, which never happens and I didn’t get a chance to make lunch so”, she laughs at herself, slightly embarrassed but Tobin's easy smirk helps slow her heart back down. 

Tobin gently explains that a few of them are heading to the deli down the block in a little bit, “you want to come?”

Christen politely shakes her head, “Oh, um, that’s nice of you but I actually can’t. My Mondays are usually pretty nuts so I don’t really have time. I have to run into another meeting in like...” she glances down at her watch, “5 minutes. Hence the deliberation,” she laughs without humor and turns back to the machine in front of her with a dissatisfied sigh at her options. 

“I can totally bring you back a sandwich, what kind do you want?”

“No Tobin I can’t ask you to do that,” she starts, trying to decline. 

“Good thing you didn’t ask,” Tobin cuts off with that cheeky smile of hers. “Seriously, what do you want on it?” she asks like it’s the simplest thing in the world.

Christen’s stomach growls on cue, like it knows she was about to refuse again and is daring her to try. She doesn’t think Tobin hears it but she starts talking just in case.

“ummm, I’m good with whatever at this point honestly. I skipped breakfast too so I’d eat pretty much anything. Surprise me”

“Okay cool, I think we’re coming back to eat here so it won’t be long and I'll just leave it on your desk for you”.

“I seriously owe you”, grateful doesn’t seem like a strong enough word and she opens her wallet to fish out some cash. 

Tobin stops her with a wave of her hand, “Honestly CP, it's no biggie” and just like that, she turns and leaves the break room.

Her parting smile is so dang charming (seriously though, does she ever not smile?) and Christen’s stomach does something weird again, not quite a growl. She convinces herself it's just from the extreme hunger and stress of the day.

Christen also briefly notes to herself that Tobin didn’t even get any coffee or anything while she was in there, but tries not to read into it and rushes to her next meeting.

She comes out about an hour later to a neatly wrapped sandwich and fresh squeezed lemonade on her desk, with a little post it note that says _Hope you aren't a vegetarian! Also _ _ hope your stomach growling didn’t distract everyone in your meeting \-  T _ with a little cartoon winking face drawn on it. 

Christen laughs to herself before unwrapping and practically inhaling what might be the best BLT with avocado she’s ever had. And she’s not just saying that because she was famished.

She tells Tobin as much when she comes back to the office from a shoot towards the end of the work day and stops by her desk to ask if she liked the sandwich, and again refuses to accept any money for it.

“I'm glad you liked it, I figured a BLT was a safe bet but wasn't sure on the avocado and took a risk. We can go again soon if you want? I love that place and could eat there like every day of the week”.

Christen considers it for a second, almost says no but she doesn’t really have a good reason to.

“I have a pretty big chunk of free time tomorrow after 12:30” she offers, trying not to sound as hopeful as she feels all of a sudden.

“Tomorrow it is!” but before either one can say anything else, Tobin’s name is being called by Josh across the office. She knocks her knuckles on Christen’s desk once, taps the little dog bobble head sitting at the edge, and then she’s gone. And Christen is sucked back into editing her article so she can send it off and head home, without being able to give the interaction much more thought. 

~

The next day at 12:30 on the dot, Tobin shows up at her desk with an enthusiastic “ready to go?”

“Yeah let me just save this and I’m ready.” Tobin waits patiently but doesn’t back up from her desk until Christen is grabbing her purse and standing up.

For some reason, when Tobin initially said “we can go again”, Christen assumed she meant the same group of coworkers, or at least Josh, and Christen was just invited to tag along. But as Tobin starts straight towards the elevator, it dawns on her that it's just the two of them headed out on this little outing. 

She’s suddenly extra nervous to be alone with Tobin, but chalks it up to being intimidated by how cool and popular she is. Despite how annoyingly high school that sounds.

The short walk to the deli is mostly silent and when they get inside, the menu is slightly overwhelming. Even with Tobin urging her to try something else or even create her own sandwich, she orders the BLT again and Tobin puts together some strange concoction that Christen doesn’t think sounds the least bit appealing. 

They sit at a small table by the window where they can watch hasty New Yorkers on their lunch break breeze past the window in a constant flow. And Christen feels somewhat comforted by this; if things get too awkward they can always observe and comment on those walking by (nicely of course).

Turns out however, they barely even look out the window. 20 minutes into their food and the conversation hasn’t stopped.

They immediately bond over the fact that they both played D1 soccer in college, and of course take lighthearted digs at each other’s schools,

_ “You were a cardinal??? Seriously? I don’t even know what to think right now! _

_ “Better than a tar heel! That blue is awful and more people should say it.” _

_ “Your mascot is a dancing tree with googly eyes!” _

_ “Is a tar heel even a real thing???” _

Naturally of course the conversation turns to how they ended up in New York and working for the website.

Christen got tired of the stress of soccer and wanted to find other ways to be happy and healthy, which is how she picked up yoga and learned to meditate. She moved to NYC to get a fresh start and was teaching yoga and blogging for fun when one of her regular clients and blog readers said she was starting a website, and asked if Christen wanted to write a column.

Tobin played overseas for a few years until she got a minor ankle injury and was trying to rehab after surgery. She always liked photography growing up, and started taking pictures again more as something to do while she couldn’t train. Unfortunately her rehab wasn’t going as planned so she hung up her boots professionally and decided to move to New York and give photography a go full time. (Plus being so far away was hard, she’s very close with her family and wanted to see her nephews and niece grow up in Jersey). She still plays pick up games on occasion though, she could never fully leave the game behind. 

“You should come play with us some time, I wanna see what you got,” she says with a wink, and maybe a tiny bit of hope in her voice.

“Ha! It’s been a long time but maybe. We’ll see,” she replies looking down at the remnants of her sandwich. She doesn’t want to fully agree because it  _ has _ been a long time. She’s in decent shape from yoga and some running but that’s not the same as playing soccer. A part of her also doesn’t want to embarrass herself in front of Tobin. She was pretty dang good when she played for Stanford, she thinks she might still hold a couple school records. But UNC is a powerhouse in women's soccer and Tobin played professionally. Besides, Christen isn’t even sure where her relationship with soccer stands at this point. 

Tobin turns out to be a lot deeper than Christen initially thought, she speaks about both soccer and her photography so passionately, and listens even more so. Christen thinks she understands why everyone is so taken with her.

She finds herself lost in explaining her experience at a meditation retreat she went on the summer after college and how she wants to do another one, but doesn’t want to leave the website or her dogs for that long; Tobin just smiles and listens with rapt attention until Christen realizes she’s staring at her.

“Sorry, am I talking too much? I’m totally rambling,” and she can feel her cheeks flush with embarrassment. 

“No no no you’re great, I like hearing what you have to say. You’re so quiet in the office” Tobin rushes out to reassure her.

“I can get like this sometimes when I’m comfortable with someone and once I start going. And you’re a lot easier to talk to than I expected.” She admits the last part shyly, not really meaning to say it out loud but okay with being honest. She really feels comfortable at this little table in this little deli on this busy block, with Tobin smiling back at her.

Tobin looks at her with an expression Christen can’t quite place, she just smiles again but doesn’t say anything before glancing at her watch and reluctantly deciding they should head back to the office.

Tobin is still quiet as they make their way back, and Christen worries she has scared Tobin off or made her think she’s nuts until Tobin says so softly she has to strain to hear over the hustle of the city, “This was nice. We should like, make this a thing.”

“Oh umm…yeah. I’m usually pretty open around this time most Tuesdays...”

“Okay cool, Tuesdays it is.”

And So Tuesday lunches with Tobin become a thing, dare she start to hope,  _ their _ thing. And lunch is safe because its in the bright daylight with a predetermined amount of time before they have to get back. They mostly talk about work, sometimes soccer. Its casual and friendly and she looks forward to it every week. And every now and then, they broach another topic and learn a little more about each other.

But it never goes too deep, whenever Christen finds herself wanting to ask or share too much, she reminds herself that they are just friendly coworkers. They get lunch together to get out of the office and share creative ideas, and Tobin just likes being around people.

At this point, the word  _ crush _ starts to float around in her mind, but that’s all she will let herself admit. They’re friends. And coworkers. It’s just a crush. 

And at the end of every week when Tobin comes by to ask her and Allie about happy hour, Christen finds herself agreeing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i grew up less than an hour away from Stanford. i used to go to tons of women's basketball games and even a couple summer camps. and to this day, I don't understand their mascot
> 
> less fun fact: sometimes i reflect on the fact that because i was so basketball obsessed back then and had stopped playing soccer, i missed out on the chance to see CP play in all her cardinal glory


	3. Chapter 3

Tobin starts stopping by Christen’s desk more frequently on the days she is in the office and not out shooting. Sometimes it’s just to say hi and ask how her day is going, sometimes it’s to bug her about what she’s working on, and sometimes it’s showing her the unedited pictures from her latest shoot and asking her which ones she should use for her next series. Which Christen finds a little strange since they’ve discussed at Tuesday lunches how Christen knows next to nothing about photography, or art at all for that matter. But she likes that Tobin still seems to value her opinion. 

And other times it seems like Tobin comes by just because she’s bored and wants someone else to talk to.

Christen continues to tag along to Friday happy hour with the usual group, but on those nights Tobin’s attention is all over the place. A lot of it goes to Allie who is still laying it on pretty thick, but not so strong that anyone else is uncomfortable. Sometimes Christen thinks she might be the only one who really even notices. 

Tobin is still very much a social butterfly and often the life of the party, even with only consuming a couple beers while others tend to indulge a little more. Some nights she will end up chatting with random women in whatever bar they end up at, dazzling smile on full display. People are just drawn to her. 

Christen still almost always leaves earlier than everyone else, usually after just one drawn out drink or a glass of wine. And she tries not to wonder too much if Tobin ever ends up bringing any of those women home with her.

Christen also notices at some point that Tobin always seems to be sitting next to her now. But she’s not sure when that unofficial seating arrangement happened, or if its on purpose or just coincidence.

Tobin always insists on buying her drink and won't take no for an answer, or accept cash. So eventually Christen starts to stick around for round two and returns the favor. And Tobin doesn’t say no to that.

Occasionally their elbows or knees will brush, and at first they would awkwardly smile and apologize to each other. But now neither of them even acknowledge when it happens, and it seems to be happening more often.

Sometimes Christen thinks she can feel Tobin looking at the side of her face when she is mid conversation with someone else at the table. She catches her once or twice, but usually she’s too scared to actually turn and look, afraid of what she’ll do if Tobin doesn’t look away and just gives her that easy smile.

On this Friday night they all agree to change things up and meet later at nightclub instead of the usual happy hour straight after work. It’s the first official weekend of summer, the website is doing well, their instagram hit a milestone in followers, and they all decide to celebrate a little.

Nightclubs are not normally Christen’s thing, not anymore anyway. She used to frequent them more with Julie when she first moved to the city and Julie was still single too.

But she decides to suck it up, put on her favorite little black dress and leather jacket, comfy heeled boots, and allow herself to let loose a little tonight. She can always leave if things get to be too much. She makes sure her hair is pin straight and her make up is perfect, careful to accentuate her eyes. She secretly hopes a certain someone notices, but tells herself she wants to look good for herself and because she deserves this. She splashes on some of the perfume she saves for special occasions and calls her Uber to Alex’s apartment she shares with her boyfriend in the village. She and Julie decided to meet there and all walk the few blocks to the club together. She takes one last look in the mirror, says goodbye to the dogs, and then she’s heading downstairs to her ride.

“Daaamn girl!” is all Alex says when she opens the door. But she knows Christen gets a little anxious with attention and compliments so she leaves it at that and ushers her in. 

Julie shows up not much later and just lets out a low whistle, “she’s back ladies and gentlemen!”. Christen laughs it off and the three of them do 2 quick shots to warm up before they’re out the door.

Alex is texting someone before they even get inside, and starts leading them towards the back where Christen assumes the group has staked out a table or two.

Hellos and welcomes are done and while some of her coworkers comment on how good Christen looks quietly in her ear as they hug, the out loud comments are mostly kept to a minimum. Christen realizes they might know her better than she thought and all just want her to feel comfortable, they all seem to pick up on that fact that drawing attention to her will only increase her anxiety.

Alex on the other hand is basking in the attention everyone at the table throws her way, she even does an over exaggerated hair flip for show. 

Christen laughs and shakes her head at her friends antics and that’s when she finally spots Tobin making her way back to the table with a beer and a cocktail in hand. They make eye contact and her heart rate picks up and she subconsciously fiddles with her hair as Tobin approaches, eyes never leaving hers.

“You look incredible CP” she murmurs in her ear as she leans in for a one armed half hug, trying not to spill the drinks in her hands. Christen realizes it’s the first time they’ve ever hugged, and something about the use of the word  _ incredible _ makes her feel even warmer in the already slightly steamy club.

The first thing she notices is that Tobin smells amazing. And she looks even better in her simple tight black jeans, white tee, and black bomber jacket with her hair down over one shoulder. It's dark inside, but Christen thinks that only adds to the affect and it definitely helps draw her attention to Tobin’s jaw line as the colored lights and strobes flash quickly across her features. Christen’s hand briefly runs across Tobin’s abdomen as she leans back from the hug and she can tell Tobin is definitely still in good shape. 

She hands the cocktail, a Paloma by the looks and smell of it, over to Christen with a smile and not another word and Christen wonders how Tobin even knew they were here yet, let alone that tequila was the drink of choice tonight. Tequila is a controversial liquor for most, but they started with shots of Don Julio at Alex’s and she never likes to mix, plus they are celebrating tonight. 

After that the drinks flow quickly and freely and things become a little more of a blur. The group gets more rambunctious but everyone is well behaved and in good spirits. Some of them dance a little near their table but for the most part they are just laughing together about who knows what drunken musings and having a good time.

Christen feels good. She knows she looks good, but more importantly she’s having fun. It’s the first time in a while both Alex and Julie have come out, and she is enjoying being around everyone in general. Even Ali and Ashlyn made an appearance for a while.

Tobin seems a little quieter than normal, but Christen just assumes maybe she gets like that with more alcohol. She’s only really ever seen her have a couple beers before but she hasn’t really been keeping tabs on Tobin’s drinks tonight. Plus everyone else is so rowdy, that Tobin seems to take to just sitting back and observing for once. She looks relaxed and happy.

Somehow, several drinks in with the club in full swing, Alex and Megan (affectionately dubbed Pinoe after her last name) from marketing manage to get Christen on the dance floor.

They try and convince Tobin to join too, but she insists she’s not much of a dancer and hangs back at the table to watch and bob her head to the music.

Allie dances with them for a little bit, but then she’s back at the table with Tobin and a couple others who chose to observe or are taking a breather.

Tobin and Christen make eye contact a couple times, Tobin smirking while she sips her drink and Christen giving her best right back. 

She decides she likes Tobin looking at her, and puts just a liiiiitle more effort into her moves. But then she sees Allie place her arm on Tobin’s shoulder and Tobin turns her head to look at with her a small smile. And Christen’s heart, not to mention confidence, drops a little and she quickly turns around to face Alex and keep dancing instead of torturing herself with whatever happens next. She’s here to have fun, Tobin is just a crush. 

After a couple more songs, she notices a man looking at her with  _ that look _ from outside the little circle the group of coworkers and friends have created for themselves, and she instantly knows what's coming. She turns her back to him and moves closer to Alex hoping he takes the hint.

But not 8 counts later, a strong arm slides along her lower back and a hand is gently placed on her waist. She tenses slightly until a smooth voice she recognizes instantly is in her ear,

“Hey, you want to come with me and get some water?” She relaxes and leans into Tobin a little before nodding, and then Tobin is grabbing her hand and leading her to the bar.

Tobin stands close, closer than Christen thinks is probably necessary since the bar isn’t THAT crowded anymore but she isn’t going to complain. Tobin angles her body so Christen is slightly wedged between her and the bar and she leans over her shoulder and asks for 2 cups of water. She’s handing one to Christen and grabbing her hand again to lead her back to the table before Christen can even clear the fog from Tobin’s cologne. Her hand is soft, and warm, and maybe a little clammy but Christen can’t tell if its Tobin or her that's to blame for that. 

“Sorry, that guy was giving you the creepy eyes. Plus you were killing it out there, I figured a water break was probably a good idea.”

Christen doesn’t really know what to say to that, and she is thirstier than she realized. She chugs the cup of water and Tobin silently hands over the second one without hesitation. “Thanks” she breathes out when she finally comes up for air and finds her voice.

They stare at each other for a moment before Christen breaks eye contact and looks back to the dance floor to make sure Alex hasn’t fallen victim too. Suddenly she notices they are mostly alone at the table.

“Where’s Julie? And everyone else?”, she doesn’t want to specifically ask about Allie.

“Julie headed home to Zach a little while ago, I promised her I’d keep an eye on you,” and that damn smirk makes Christen’s stomach swoop again. “Everyone else either went back on the dance floor or called it a night too”, Tobin continues.

She’s not so drunk that she’s incoherent or unaware of her surroundings. But she is tipsy enough that being alone in the darkness of the club with Tobin is making her heart race and stomach go new levels of crazy. This isn’t good.  _ It’s a crush, you’re just coworkers and friends.  _

“I should probably head home too, its way past my bedtime and I didn’t realize how tired I was,” she lets out of a fake yawn that very quickly turns into a real one. 

“I’ll call an uber, we can share,” and she’s already pulling her phone from her pocket and standing up from the table. 

“Tobin, you live in Brooklyn. I’m going uptown.”

Tobin bites her lip but doesn’t really have a good rebuttal to that and Christen can see her struggling as they weave through all the bodies and out into the cool summer night. 

“I promise I’m fine. I stopped drinking a while ago and the water really helped”, she looks Tobin solidly in the eyes and smiles to reassure her.

“Well at least let me call you one” and before Christen can refuse Tobin is handing over her phone with the app pulled up, ready for Christen to type in her address. “Give me your phone too. I’ll put in my number so you can text me and let me know you got home safe.”

It’s a classic cheesy way to exchange numbers, and Tobin would clearly know when she’s been dropped off from the notification on the app, but Christen totally falls for it anyway and easily hands over her phone. She also can’t believe they’ve gone all this time without each other’s numbers.

“I should probably text Alex too so she doesn’t send out an amber alert or something” she attempts to joke to ease her own nerves. But Tobin just smiles and watches her fiddle with her phone after she hands it back with her new contact added. 

One of the perks of being downtown on a Friday night is that her Uber pulls up in no time, maybe a little too quickly, but also not quickly enough to stop whatever tension is building and Christen doesn’t know if she’s relieved or not.

“I had a lot of fun tonight Tobin”, her voice is soft when she looks up into Tobin’s kind and gentle eyes. She swears they sparkle a little more in the street lights but assumes its the last of the alcohol in her system that’s making her feel a little floaty. 

“Me too. Get home safely Christen, I’ll hopefully see you Monday”. 

Christen thinks it’s the first time Tobin has ever used her full name, and the way it rolls of Tobin’s tongue sends the butterflies in her stomach into another frenzy as she slides into the car before she can do something stupid like look too long at her lips or take Tobin up on her offer to escort her home.

Tobin holds the door until she’s safely buckled in, and maybe a beat too long after that, before she smiles and gently shuts it with a final small wave, and the car speeds off into Manhattan traffic.

She texts Tobin a simple “ **made it safe and sound** ” when she unlocks the door to her apartment and the dogs come charging up to greet her. She doesn’t even make it to her bedroom before her phone is buzzing with a smiley face and hang loose emoji from Tobin.

Christen smiles one last time to herself, before removing her make-up and stripping out of her dress into a giant t-shirt. Crashing into her bed and replaying the night in her head as she falls asleep with a smile on her face and tequila still swimming faintly through her blood. Tonight was fun, and it’s just a crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again for reading! a bit of a filler but things will pick up soon :)


	4. Chapter 4

  
  


Her Monday is as chaotic as ever and unfortunately Christen has to cancel lunch on Tuesday due to a major interview she was able to score that’s only available that day. But luckily she can text Tobin now that she has her number to let her know in advance.

** _Tobin: _ **

** _whaaaat?? but Tuesday is our thing!_ ** _ _ Is the response that comes through

** _CP: _ **

** _i knooww I’m sorry! I’ll try and make it up to you I promise_ **

  
  


They have an all team meeting on Wednesday and Tobin and Christen keep making eye contact and smiling shyly at each other across the conference room. Christen tries to take notes, but she’s pretty sure she missed a good half of what was discussed. She might as well have been scribbling Tobin’s name with little hearts in the margins of her notepad. 

She barely sees Tobin the rest of the week. She’s out in the city working on a new photo project, as she often is, but they text here and there. Mostly silly memes or little things Tobin observes while she’s out shooting.

The usual Friday gang all decide early in the week to break tradition and skip happy hour because of the company summer barbeque on Saturday. Its being held at some rooftop penthouse with a pool- way fancier than last year but the website is doing so well they figure they can splurge a little for their employees.

Christen didn’t originally plan to go until Tobin texted her and asked about it on Thursday night.

** _T: come oooon, it'll be fun! plus we didn’t get to do lunch or happy hour this week so I have to make up my CP time somehow_ **

Its promised to be very casual, lots of beer and wine, food on the grill, and the weather report is perfect.

Christen wears a yellow sundress and has her hair down and curly for the first time in a while; she almost always straightens it and/or wears it up for work. She feels summery and cute, and she’s oddly excited for a party for the first time in a long time.

It’s still in the relatively early stages when Christen arrives, and she doesn’t see Tobin yet. She quickly finds Julie with a few other people and easily joins in on their conversation to kill time.

The anticipation of Tobin’s arrival makes her ridiculously antsy but she isn't sure why. She knows by this point she has a full blown butterflies in the stomach sweaty palms crush. But they’re friends (she thinks), they’ve been texting all week, and Tobin made it seem like she was excited Christen decided to come. She has no real reason to be  _ this _ anxious. She knows its partially due to the tension last Friday night ended with, but she’s also excited to see where they might stand now in the light of day. 

The conversation around her is naturally fizzling out when Christen finally sees Tobin come through the door, she had strategically placed herself to be able to keep an eye out. Tobin spots her and waves, but she gets stuck saying hi to some other writers and meeting significant others before she can fully make her way into the party. 

Christen immediately grows even more nervous, Tobin looks so effortlessly cool in her dark jeans, white t-shirt, and flip flops, and she retreats to get more wine and calm her jitters. 

She ends up talking in the kitchen for a while, stalling and sipping from her glass, but Tobin never comes. She secretly hoped Tobin would follow her so they could catch up about their week- she realizes she’s missed her. 

Bored of waiting and anxiety not really any calmer, she eventually excuses herself, musters all her courage, and goes in search. And that’s when she sees Tobin and Allie talking very closely on a loveseat that barely fits two people, and her heart almost comes to a stop. 

Allie is clearly laying on the moves hard; her body language and the eyes she’s giving tell Christen everything in an instant. Normally Allie’s flirting is pretty tame, but right now, anyone in the room with eyes could tell what was going on.

However the real kicker to the gut is that Tobin seems as engaged and smiley as ever, not looking away from her face at all and Christen’s confidence completely crumbles. When she sees Allie reach out and touch the ends of Tobin’s hair, Christen’s stomach all but drops all the way out and through to the floor. Her whole body grows hot and not in the way she’s started to get used to when it comes to Tobin. She is quickly forced to admit this might be more than just a crush. And whatever it is, it definitely might not be mutual. She momentarily wonders if she is going to be sick. 

She’s not really jealous of Allie, she can’t blame the girl. But that doesn’t make seeing them like that sting any less. 

She’s humiliated that she even subconsciously thought she had a chance with Tobin, let alone that Tobin maybe missed and was just as excited to see her today too. Her eyes prickle with with tears but she refuses to let them fall, not here and not now. Not over a coworker at a company party she didn’t even want to come to. 

Unable to stay in the now suffocating room any longer and not wanting to get caught in her distress by Tobin or anyone else for that matter, Christen steels her face and silently makes her way out the sliding door. There's still a good amount of people outside enjoying the rooftop view, but it’s quieter in the open summer air, and the music drifting from the speakers mostly drowns out everyone else’s chatter. She slips off her sandals and sits to hang her feet into the pool while she sips her wine. The small ripples in the sun and the cool water on her feet help, but only slightly. It’s too early to leave the party without seeming rude and she just needs to buy some time until she can escape, and she can be disappointed and embarrassed and downright sad in the privacy of her own home. Probably with more wine. 

She has a few minutes of quiet with her stormy thoughts before suddenly a shadow appears and she knows who it is before she’s even plopping down next to her. She hates that her body just  _ knows _ and already starts to react. 

“Hey you, I was wondering where you went”.

“Hey” she softly murmurs back without looking over at Tobin.

“I would offer to get you something to drink but looks like you’re all set” she gestures with her head to Christen’s still half full glass of wine. 

Christen just smiles but it doesn’t feel right and she doesn’t fully trust herself to talk yet after what she witnessed. She knows she has no right or reason to be upset. But she’s human and it sucks. 

Tobin rolls up her jeans a little but they won't go all the way up over her calves. That doesn’t stop her from sliding her feet into the pool and inching a little closer, leaning back on her palms.

Christen forgets her woes for just a moment laughs a little, “Tobin you’re getting your pants wet!”

“I don’t care, and it's warm enough outside that they will dry quickly. How was your week?”

And just like that the dread sinks back in and Christen withdraws again, remembering how much she missed talking with Tobin this week and how dumb she feels for thinking maybe Tobin missed her just as much too. How excited she was for this stupid party.  _ She’s just making small talk and being friendly.  _

“It was good, busy, the interview went really well,” but she doesn’t offer up much more.

Tobin seems to realize something is off and goes quiet as well, but doesn’t push.

Now it's awkward and Christen just wants to flee. She downs her wine and decides she doesn’t care anymore if she seems rude by leaving. 

“I think I’m going to head home soon, the heat is getting to me and it was a long week so I kinda just want to chill I think. Alone.” She emphasizes the last word admittedly little harshly.

Tobin’s brows furrow, it’s one of the few times she’s seen her without a smile. “What? But we barely got to hang out? Have you even eaten anything yet?”

“Well I just wanted to make an appearance, and I’ve done that and said hi to everyone I needed to. So. Plus it seems like someone else really wants your attention ...” She trails off. She knows she's being cold and perhaps a little immature, but she can physically feel her walls going up and can't stop them. 

Tobin looks confused before asking “Who? Allie? Yeah I mean she caught me pretty much as soon as I walked in the door...”

“Everyone wants a piece of you” Christen interrupts and laughs dryly to cover it up because she doesn’t want to hear about what Tobin and Allie talked about. “Really, its okay, go back and talk to her. You guys seemed to be getting close last Friday too, She obviously likes you”. Christen says a little more gently, and attempts a smile to cover up whatever it is she’s feeling. She doesn’t have some sort of claim on Tobin, she knows that. So they get lunch together once a week and buy each other drinks at happy hour. They’re coworkers. And it’s a stupid crush. Everyone has a crush on Tobin apparently, she’s not special. 

Tobin just looks at her for a moment, slightly squinting into the bright sunlight, and again Christen can’t place that look. 

“Umm, okay. Yeah. Well I hope you have a good evening and I guess I’ll see you at the office?” She phrases it as a question, like she’s not sure what just happened but there’s a hint of sad hopefulness in her voice.

Christen just offers a small half smile before standing up and grabbing her shoes. She gets several steps away before

“Hey CP!” Tobin’s voice cracks a little, is she nervous? Is she going to ask for advice about Allie? Christen is known around the office for her advice but she really can’t deal with this right now. 

She slowly turns around even though she just wants to run away and hide under her covers with her dogs and mope about this stupid crush that is so not just a crush.

Tobin is sitting sideways now with one leg still in the pool, she looks small which throws Christen off a little and some of her defensiveness is already fading. She looks up at Christen quickly before looking down to fidget with her wet pant leg. 

“Would you umm, maybe, I don't know, want to grab dinner with me sometime soon? I really want to hear about the interview and your week”, she finishes quietly before looking up back at Christen, and Christen short circuits for a moment. Dinner, after work, just the two of them, with no buffer and... oh.  _ Wait what?  _

“What?” she asks dumbly. That’s so not what she was expecting and nothing is computing and now she’s entirely too confused about the interaction and what’s happening. 

Tobin swallows, “Dinner. With me. Next week” is all she gets out the second time and Christen starts to rethink leaving the party. Tobin is looking at her with such open but maybe slightly terrified eyes, she can’t be sure. And her walls come tumbling down just as easily as she threw them up. Maybe Tobin really did miss her too? Was she reading everything inside wrong? Did she completely jump to conclusions and overreact? But she can't change her mind about leaving now, not after she was a borderline bitch to Tobin 2 minutes ago and claimed she wanted to be alone. 

She smiles her first real smile since leaving the kitchen before letting go and breathing out a “yeah, yeah I’d like that”.

“Cool! Um, okay cool,” Tobin grins and bobs her head a few times. “Monday?” she asks without looking away and Christen can’t say no to her eagerness. How did this whole conversation flip flop so quickly?

“Monday sounds good”. They smile at each other for a moment longer before Christen finally waves and walks away because she doesn’t know what else to do.

She doesn’t turn around to look but she thinks she hears Tobin splashing her feet in the water like a child and she bites her lip to try and contain her smile and the butterflies that have made quite the resurgence. 

She makes up some excuse to everyone else about not feeling well and says all her goodbyes before heading out. 

She’s halfway back to her apartment before she dares to ask herself,  _ did I just get asked on a date by Tobin Heath?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the kudos and comments! they make me smile :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know people were excited about their date and i'm not 100% sure i fully did it justice but, here we are. hopefully the end makes up for it :)

When Sunday evening rolls around, she hasn’t heard from Tobin yet and Christen is a complete mess and starts to second guess everything all over again. 

_ Maybe she just felt bad for me? That I wasn’t having fun and left early? What do I wear? Is it even a real date? Are we leaving straight from work? What are we going to talk about? She said she wants to hear about the interview but we can’t talk about that for an entire dinner.  _

Her phone chimes as if on cue with a text from Tobin. And then chimes a couple more times in quick succession.

**Tobin: **

**hey CP! So dinner tomorrow, nothing too fancy, I know that’s not really your thing and definitely not mine**

**I was thinking we could leave straight from the office?**

**Unless you want to go home and change of course, I know Mondays are your crazy days**

**I could pick you up**

**Or we can meet somewhere, up to you**

Christen smiles and bites her lip to try and contain it,  _ she’s sweet. _

Christen takes a deep breath and decides to be brave. She isn’t sure if this is a date or not, or if something is happening with Tobin and Allie, but it’s pointless denying the fact that she wants it to be a date.

**Christen:**

**I’ll probably want to come home and shower to refresh. Why don’t you pick me up?**

**Tobin:**

**Cool! 7:30?**

**Is that too late for a Monday?**

**Christen:**

**Lol 7:30 is great Tobin, hopefully I’ll see you around the office tomorrow**

**Tobin:**

**Hopefully! Have a good night CP :) **

Christen reads the conversation again before realizing her face hurts from smiling. She locks her phone and throws it on her bed before marching back into her closet.

She’s tempted to call Alex or Julie for help, but she’s not sure she wants to admit her crush (way more than a crush) to anyone else in the office yet. And she’s a grown woman! She can pick out an outfit for a maybe/maybe-not date dammit. 

  
  


~

  
  


They don’t see each other at the office the next day, and Christen isn’t sure if that makes her more or less nervous. She’s in and out of her usual meetings and Tobin is out of the office on another assignment for most of the day.

When she finally hears the buzzer from downstairs at 7:28pm that evening after three outfit changes, she buzzes Tobin into the building, takes a deep breath to calm herself, and one last look in the mirror. 

All of her nerves come rushing back when she hears the dogs go crazy at the knocking and opens to the door to see Tobin looking up from behind a gorgeous bouquet of pink and orange flowers.

“Hey, I know this is like super cheesy but I passed a stand on my way from the train and it felt weird to just show up empty handed. Hi puppies!”. 

Christen just blushes and reaches out to take the bouquet with a shy smile and a “thank you, that’s sweet”, leaving Tobin behind at the door to pet the dogs so she can collect herself. 

Thank god for the momentary distraction the dogs provide because while she’d hoped this was a date, she wasn’t actually prepared for Tobin to show up and look so  _ cute,  _ and with frickin flowers.  _ How am I going to survive this??? _

They head out swiftly after she puts the flowers in a vase and the dogs have gotten sufficient head and belly rubs from Tobin, and make their way down the street. Christen suddenly realizes she never even asked where they were going.

As if Tobin read her mind, “So there’s this sushi place not far from here that I’ve been wanting to try out, I was thinking we could walk but I can hail a cab too if you want. Wait you like sushi right? I probably should have asked that first, we can go somewhere else if raw fish isn’t your thing”.

She’s nervous and rambling, and Christen doesn’t really know how to handle it. Other than their interaction by the pool on Saturday, she’s never seen Tobin be anything but cool and confident. And admittedly at that time she was a little too stuck in her own head to put too much thought into Tobin’s behavior. 

“Sushi is great Tobin, and I don’t mind walking. It's nice out tonight,” she smiles and tries to ease the other woman’s anxieties. She was ready to be the nervous wreck tonight.

Once they are seated and have an assortment of sushi rolls on the table in front of them, Christen forgets why she was ever nervous to begin with. Conversation flows easily (after the initial awkwardness they had to get over during the walk over) and Tobin is just as sweet and charming as always, if not a little bit more smiley than normal.

They talk about the interview, and soccer, their favorite food and places they’ve travelled or want to visit. But also venture a little deeper into topics they’d steered clear of during their midday Tuesday lunches. Tobin opens up a bit more about how angry at the world she was when she wasn’t rehabbing like she wanted to, and how taking pictures helped her understand things again from a new perspective. Christen shares her struggles with anxiety and depression during college, how much learning to meditate helped her navigate her emotions, and how she wants to help others do the same if she can.

They talk about growing up and how different but also similar their childhoods were and being close with their siblings. They talk about how privileged they both were to get to play the game they loved, and how they wish all kids had that sort of access and more opportunities to do the same.

They laugh more than Christen thinks she has in the past six months combined.

Tobin’s eyes and wide smile make her lose track of time and she forgets they are in a semi crowded Manhattan restaurant on a Monday night. 

As Tobin forces down the last roll on her plate, she groans out while rubbing her stomach, “I don’t know about you, but I’m stuffed.” She pauses before muttering out “I’m really glad you agreed to dinner Christen, I was worried you’d say no”. Tobin calling her by her full name makes her stomach flutter in that way again.

All she can think to say is “I was surprised when you asked” because it’s true.

Tobin snaps her head up to look at her genuinely confused, “Why were you surprised? You know I like hanging out with you”.

Christen gets shy all of a sudden, despite how easy conversation has been up until this point. “I don’t know, things were weird at the party, and I saw you on the couch and…never mind its stupid”. She knows now just how stupid it was. 

“Chris,” Tobin deflates and sighs out, and Christen immediately decides that’s her favorite way Tobin has ever said her name. “Is that why you wanted to leave?”

Tobin is looking at her with those big brown honest eyes and Christen finds herself wanting to let her in even more tonight. She starts playing with the condensation on her water glass that’s barely been touched throughout the night before taking a big gulp, mouth suddenly dry and not from all the talking they’ve been doing. 

She sucks in a deep breath, “I saw you with Allie and I overreacted and got insecure and maybe the tiniest bit jealous. You guys looked pretty cozy and I felt so dumb for...” she rushes out all in one breath before she stops herself, rolling her eyes without looking up. “It was dumb” she mumbles with an uneasy laugh and she feels silly all over again.

Tobin is quiet for a moment and takes her own deep breath. “I really wanted to be talking to you”. Now it’s Christen’s turn to snap her head up to Tobin, but she won’t meet her eyes.

Before she can say anything or question it, Tobin is talking again and Christen’s heart just might thud right through her rib cage. “I was so nervous all day. I was late because I spent way too long debating and changing outfits only to end up right where I started in what I always wear. And you looked so amazing in that yellow dress. Allie literally ambushed me as soon as I got there and dragged me to sit down. I realize now how it might have looked and I didn’t want to be rude but the whole time she was talking, I was trying to find a way to escape and find you,” she finally stops to look up. “Then you kinda threw me off my game plan by the pool,” she laughs ruefully, “But I’d spent practically all week psyching myself up to make a move, and I wasn’t going to let you leave without trying”. 

Christen just sits there somewhat in shock and thinks she might pass out, Tobin is staring right into her eyes and yup. She’s positive her rib cage can’t hold back her thudding heart anymore. But Tobin isn’t done. 

“I like you Christen, I kinda have for a long time” she finishes with a final breath. Christen doesn’t really know what to do with Tobin’s raw and open honestly. It’s what she’d been secretly hoping for since the last happy hour, even if she wouldn’t fully admit. But she never actually expected Tobin to just so easily declare it. She knows she needs to stay something. She decides it’s only fair, to herself and to Tobin, to be just as honest in return. 

“I like you too Tobin. Kind of a lot, and I’m sorry I freaked out on you”.

“Like I said, I’m just happy you said yes.” They smile stupidly at each other for a moment longer before realization dawns on Christen.

“Wait what do you mean you have for a long time?” 

And now Tobin looks down again and goes more shy than she was the entire time during her little speech.

“Why do you think I never talked to you at work at first?” she laughs out, but Christen can tell she is mostly laughing at herself and to cover up her embarrassment. “Since I’m sort of on a roll here, can I just be totally honest and lay it all out, before I like completely chicken out?” Christen thinks Tobin has already been more brave and open in the last five minutes than she ever has in her entire life, but she can only nod quickly before Tobin is pushing on without even looking up to see it. 

“You were so beautiful, are so beautiful. And I was waaaaay too nervous around you. You were always so put together and poised, everyone in the office respects you so much. Not to mention you’re a badass writer. The only reason I ever even went over to invite Allie to happy hour was because it was the only excuse I could think of to talk to you too. And then I got to know you...and I was hooked. I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise.” Tobin still won’t look back up from the table. 

Christen’s stomach goes insane, and all she wants to do is leap over the table and kiss Tobin. She knows it’s too soon for that, she hasn’t even said anything back and they’re still seated at the restaurant, but she can’t help herself when she gets up from her seat and slides into the booth next to Tobin. Instead she presses a slow kiss to her cheek and Tobin’s face grows bright red and looks like it might split in half from her smile when she finally looks over and into Christen’s eyes again.

“I thought you were sooo cool, way too cool for me. And it sounds silly, but you are basically the most popular person in the office even after only a few months. I never thought you even paid attention to me. And then we were going to lunch regularly and you  _ were _ so cool, but not in the way I thought. But I assumed, or maybe convinced myself you just wanted more friends and that I only had a little workplace crush,” Christen laughs at her own naivety. Tobin lets out a nervous laugh too.

But before either of them can make any more confessions, the waiter interrupts with the check, which of course Tobin quickly snatches up, and then they head outside and the air between them is brand new. 

Tobin looks shy again as she asks, “I know it’s a Monday and it’s late, but do you maybe want to go somewhere else, this  _ is _ New York City and I’m sure we can find somewhere nearby”.

“Honestly, I’d really love to,” Christen starts and then winces a little, “Buuuut keeping with the theme of honestly tonight, I’m exhausted. I’ve been fighting a yawn for like the last half hour”. 

Tobin bursts out laughing and just nods with understanding, “Alright then, let’s get you home Chris”.

Christen grabs her arm as she turns to start walking. “I like when you call me that. CP is cute too, but I just like the way you say my name”.

Tobin just smiles that smile and Christen slides her hand down from Tobin’s elbow and into her hand as they walk back towards her apartment, and they both grin into the ground the whole time, never letting go. Tobin squeezes just the tiniest bit tighter each time they cross the street and Christen doesn’t even think she realizes she’s doing it. 

“I had a really good night with you Tobin,” she says when they are standing close outside her apartment door.

“Me too, I know I already said it but I’m really glad you said yes to this”. 

Christen leans in to kiss her cheek again, but it doesn’t feel like enough. “I’m glad you asked. See you for lunch tomorrow?”

“Best part of my week”. The ease with which Tobin says it, and that damn smile, makes her go a little weak in the knees. 

Christen bites her lip again and can’t take it anymore. They’re both adults who like each other and Tobin looks so damn cute and has been nothing but sweet and honest and brave all night, and she really wants to kiss her. So she reaches up to gently brush her hand on Tobin’s jaw and leans in. 

Tobin is ready for it like she’s been waiting her whole life and while Christen means for it to be a simple, innocent, first date pressing of the lips, Tobin gently grabs her waist and deepens it just enough.

Breaking apart for air several moments later, Tobin keeps her eyes closed and forehead pressed against Christen’s.

“I've wanted to do that for a long time” she sighs out but doesn’t apologize- and Christen can’t help lean back in and press their lips together again until their smiles get in the way.

Tobin finally breaks away and leads back, looking like it took all her strength. “Okay. You need to go inside before I get ahead of myself. I don’t want to overwhelm you, I know tonight was kind of a lot. I just really like you Chris” she finishes as she looks up into her eyes and Christen swears she full on  _ swoons _ .

“Tonight was perfect.'' She whispers and kisses Tobin’s cheek one more time before unlocking her door and stepping in.

“Goodnight Tobin”.

“Goodnight CP”.

After she closes the door, she leans back against it and spots the orange and pink bouquet sitting on her kitchen counter and can’t help but let out an honest to god squeal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imagine if we could all be has brave and honest as T when talking about our ~~feelings~~
> 
> anyway, hope you enjoyed. next chapter is my fav so far i think. i'm coming to the end of what i have outlined so let me know what you'd like to see :) 
> 
> i also have a tumblr (same name) where i obsess over the queen Christen Press


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lied, i don't really love how this chapter turned out. but i'm coming to realize that it might just be me as a person and i will never be satisfied so here we go!

Alex catches her in the break room the next morning, “What's with the goofy smile? The coffee here is good but not THAT good” she says with a smug smile.

Christen, feeling busted, briefly considers lying or denying it, but a bigger part of her kind of wants to gush a bit about last night. And Alex is her friend, she doesn’t want to hide anything.

“I went to dinner with Tobin last night and uh, it was really nice. She’s sweet. I’m just in a good mood I guess” she admits quietly, unable to hide her blush. 

Alex just smiles like she's not surprised by this at all. “So she finally asked you huh? I'm happy for you Chris, Tobin is good peoples”.

Alex calling her Chris doesn’t have nearly the same effect, but she appreciates her friend’s immediate support and the fact that she’s not making a big deal of this at all. She also doesn't miss Alex’s use of the word finally but determines now is not the time to ask about it, her cheeks are already red enough from admitting the source of her mood. 

She gets shy again and just mutters out a bashful “thanks” before Alex is chuckling to herself and walking out of the room after filling her cup.

At lunch that day, not much has changed between them. They smile at each other constantly and the air feels a little different, but other than that the only difference is that Tobin walks a little closer so their shoulders occasionally brush up against each other, and she extends her leg under the table to rest against Christen’s once they’re seated. At first she thinks its an accident but when Tobin doesn’t move her leg after the initial contact, Christen just smiles even bigger and their conversation continues.

The rest of the week is pretty normal too. They send flirty texts to each other throughout the day and grin like idiots from across the office, but other than that their interactions are kept strictly professional. While workplace relationships aren’t forbidden (Ashlyn and Ali got engaged late last year, and Alex clearly knows something is going on between them), Christen is acutely aware of the fact that they are still at work and Tobin seems to be on the same page.

Its Friday happy hour where things get a little murky. 

Tobin looks good. Well, she always looks good, but now that they’ve established their mutual, _ whatever _, for each other, Tobin looks GOOD. Christen wonders if there’s some sort of science to that.

She’s also affectionate, Christen quickly learns. It's nothing over the top, nothing that would make her or anyone around them uncomfortable. Tobin instinctively knows she isn’t one for PDA. But it’s enough that Christen is sure their coworkers pick up on the shift between the two.

It’s a steady hand on her lower back or waist as they make a trip to the bar; it’s placing her hands on either side of Christen so she’s essentially trapped between Tobin’s body and the bar top as they place their orders; it’s gently squeezing her knee and resting her hand there briefly while they sit at the table, or laying her arm across the back of Christen’s chair. She sits so close Christen can feel her body heat and smell her cologne over the stale aroma of alcohol in the air. And she’s beyond attentive, constantly in tune with her movements and glancing at the side of her face a little too often.

Christen likes it, and she quickly gives up on being embarrassed or ashamed in front of their coworkers. She figures they have nothing to hide, especially outside of business hours. Plus they haven’t exactly been the most subtle with their heart eyes around the office this week.

Its while Tobin escapes to the bathroom, after leaning in to whisper in her ear “I’ll meet you back at the table, don’t get lost” and leaving her at the bar to get the next round, that Allie slides up into the space Tobin vacated. 

Panic sets in Christen’s gut, she is not prepared for some catty showdown. She knows Tobin likes her now, and she obviously really likes Tobin back. But she’s not even really sure if they would be considered dating yet and competing with another coworker or starting drama over a girl is not something she is interested in, tonight or ever. 

“You guys are cute together,” the words out of Allie’s mouth, and even more so the sincere tone she says them in, almost stun her even more than the threat of an impending fight. And Christen knows her face must give away her shock because Allie smiles warmly. “Look flirting with Tobin was fun, but mostly harmless, and I probably should have backed off when it became clear she only has eyes for you. _ Aaand _ maybe a tiny sick part of me wanted to push and see if one of you was ever going to get their shit together and ask the other out,” she adds on and they both can’t help but share a laugh, granted Christen’s might be more nervous in nature. _ God was it that obvious that everyone in the office apparently had bets going? _

Allie is being genuine, but Christen can also tell even if the flirting was harmless, its obvious she at least had a tiny crush on Tobin too. 

And suddenly Christen feels bad. This poor woman who has been nothing but nice and an amazing asset to the team is here basically giving her blessing for someone she felt at least _ something _ for. And here they are practically flaunting whatever this thing is in her face.

“That’s really nice of you. It's super new, obviously, but umm…thanks”. Christen isn’t sure what the protocol is in this situation and that's the best she can come up with. 

“I hope you guys work out, and hopefully we can all still be friends.” And just like that she’s turning to the guy that just slid into the space on the other side of her and offering him a sly smile as he looks her up and down. 

After the bartender hands Christen her and Tobin’s drinks, she makes her way back to the table and she feels weird.

Tobin is already there when she slides into her chair. But when she leans close and drapes her arm across the back again with a teasing smile and a “I was worried you actually got lost”, Christen just smiles curtly and subtly leans away from her touch, initiating a conversation with Josh from across the table.

And because Tobin is Tobin, she immediately picks up on the change. She doesn’t say anything, but she slowly pulls her arm back and goes a little quiet for the rest of the evening.

When Christen decides it's time to leave and starts her round of goodbyes, Tobin jumps up to do the same. She doesn’t put her hand at Christen’s lower back this time as they walk outside into the night but she still follows closely. 

Both are quiet when they get outside and they sort of awkwardly shuffle to maybe half a block from the entrance to the bar before stopping, neither really knowing what comes next.

“Did I do something wrong?” Tobin finally asks, she looks like a kicked puppy and now Christen feels bad about that too. 

“No of course not Tobin, I just…” she leans her back against the side of the building and looks up to the sky.

“Was I too much tonight? I know I can be sort of touchy and not everyone likes that or maybe it’s too soon. Especially in front of our coworkers, I’m sorry” and Tobin is looking like she will do anything in the world to fix this. But they are just getting started and Christen doesn’t want there to be anything to fix already. She decides to be honest, because that’s just what they are with each other.

“No it’s not that, I promise. That was actually really nice,” she says with a shy smirk. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” and Tobin exhales a little in relief but still looks slightly anxious. 

“Allie approached me when you were in the bathroom”. She can’t exactly read the look on Tobin’s face but she thinks it’s a mix of confusion, surprise, some anger, and maybe a little bit of protectiveness? She continues on before Tobin can ask any questions.

“She was actually really nice. She basically apologized for flirting with you so much and more or less wished us the best. She obviously had a thing for you, even if it was small and, I don’t know. I just felt, guilty?” She doesn’t fully know how to explain it because she’s not sure she really understands why she feels so bad. It’s not like Tobin is a prize that she won and was dangling in Allie’s face.

Tobin lets out an incredulous laugh that startles Christen from her musings. Her first instinct is to be offended.

“Sorry, I don’t meant to laugh. But Chris…” she pauses to compose herself and think over her next words. “I was never interested in Allie and she knew that. I don’t think she was even that seriously interested in me. She’s just a natural flirt, and I was around. She’s a cool girl, a smart one too. But she’s also a grown woman. If I really thought she would be hurt by seeing us together, I would never try and like, rub it in her face or anything.” She takes a step closer, and now there’s barely any space left between then. _ When did she get so close? _ “And I know we’ve only been on like one official date or whatever but... in case I haven’t made it clear enough yet, I really like you Christen. Just you. And honestly, I don’t really care who knows or how they feel about it”.

Christen’s whole body flushes and the butterflies in her stomach now feel like dragons. 

Tobin slides her hands onto Christen’s waist and looks right into her eyes. “I’d scream it right here on the street for all of Manhattan to hear if you wanted me to” she adds on cheekily and Christen giggles and swears she might melt into a puddle right there on the sidewalk. 

“That would be so embarrassing” she manages to respond and Tobin laughs from deep in her chest before she goes more serious again and looks at her lips. 

“Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to ask Tob..” is all she gets out before Tobin is leaning in and closing the distance. And this time Christen is sure she melts. Melts right into Tobin’s lips as she brings her arms up to rest on Tobin’s shoulders. Their first kiss outside of her apartment on Monday was great, but this one feels almost magical. Christen feels like she’s in a damn movie, .

In the back of her mind, a voice reminds her that they are literally standing out in the open on the busy street, just a few yards from the bar. And while she’s sure Tobin was serious about yelling out into the night, Christen doesn’t want to draw _ too _ much attention to them. She reluctantly pulls away but keeps Tobin close as she looks into her eyes and neither of them can stop smiling. 

She wants to tell Tobin it’s late and she needs to get home to her dogs, but she also just wants to stand here forever and before she can get the words together Tobin is rushing out “What are you doing tomorrow?”

Christen bites her lip to try and keep from smiling wider, “no plans. Other than sleeping in and catching up on some netflix”.

“Counter offer.... Do you want to do something? With me? I don’t know what we’d do yet, but we can just play it by ear and explore the city. Get coffee or food. Maybe a museum, do you like museums? We can go somewhere you can take your dogs. I’m not much of a planner but I'm sure we could find something to do. Or multiple somethings,” she’s rambling again and Christen finds it so fucking adorable, she doesn't want to interrupt and put her out of her misery. 

Finally Tobin takes a breath and adds on, “what I'm trying to say is, I'd really like to spend the day with you”.

And something about the way Tobin says it like that, instead of asking Christen to spend the day with her_ , _has Christen leaning in to softly kiss her again because simply can’t resist. 

“I’d love to” she whispers.

“Awesome” Tobin whispers right back with that damn smile that takes over her face and makes her eyes crinkle. “So ummm, I should tell you I tend to like to sleep in pretty late on weekends. But we can just text each other when we wake up and go from there?”

Christen normally isn't one to agree to something without having at least the basis for some sort of plan, much less without even an estimated time frame, but she thinks getting to spend the day with Tobin is more than enough for her to throw caution to the wind a little bit. 

“Sounds good. I should get home, it’s getting pretty late. And before you offer! I can get my own Uber this time, just buy me coffee or something tomorrow” she winks.

“Deal”.

After they finally separate, Tobin waits patiently by her side holding her hand until the Uber pulls up, and places one last kiss to her lips before Christen slides in. And Christen just wants to get home so she can sleep and wake up and it be tomorrow, like a kid on Christmas eve. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this house, we don't do catty drama between women 
> 
> i really appreciate the kudos and comments! (also one of my favorite fic authors ever left kudos on this story and not gonna lie i fan girled a lil bit when i noticed. i won't name them because i'm shy and don't want to make it awkward lol) but seriously thank you everyone, glad the folks seem to be feeling the cuteness :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry sorry sorry!! i know this took forever :( but this one is a liiittle bit longer

Christen wakes up just before 8am on Saturday morning (which sadly for her is sleeping in these days, normally up for her morning yoga and meditation by around 6:30), and her thoughts immediately jump to Tobin before she can even rub the sleep from her eyes and clear her vision. She’s reaching over for her phone before she even realizes it, and despite Tobin’s warning about her sleeping habits the evening before, she’s still disappointed when scrolling through her notifications and not seeing her name among them. 

_ You haven’t even sat up yet Christen calm down. _

She takes a moment to stretch and sit up in bed, leaning against her headboard while reading through her notifications more slowly this time. It’s mostly stuff from CNN and The New York Times, a few from Instagram, and a text from her sister from last night after she fell asleep. She scrolls through her emails and responds to her sister, citing the time difference for not responding sooner. 

Once she feels more awake and has finished all her morning social media checks, she lets her thoughts go back to Tobin and the day ahead. She debates whether or not it’s too early to text Tobin or if she should just wait to hear from her. Not wanting to seem too eager, she decides to get up and go about her morning routine first.

Not knowing how long she will have to wait, she makes a small pot of coffee and sits on the couch reading the news on her phone, not really sure what else to do with her morning. She doesn't want to feel like she’s just sitting around waiting to hear from Tobin, but after reading several articles and retaining maybe 25%, she resigns to the fact that that’s exactly what she’s doing. 

It’s around 9:30 and she’s down to the last few room temperature sips of coffee in her mug, debating at least showering for the day so she can be ready, when her phone vibrates in her hand and Tobin’s name comes up on the top of her screen with a new imessage notification. 

With the way her heart rate instantly skyrockets and her face goes hot, she has to stop herself from immediately tapping the notification and opening the message embarrassingly fast. 

After gathering herself and remembering to breathe, it turns out to be pointless because the simple but sweet ** _“good morning :) how’d you sleep?” _ **she reads sends her right back to square one. 

**Christen:**

**Good morning! Pretty well actually, especially for how excited I am for today ;) **

**Tobin: **

**I’m really excited too. This is pretty early for me to be up and moving**

**Guess my subconscious didn’t want me to waste any time today **

Christen already feels giddy reading that and they’ve only just started texting. It’s going to be a long day. 

Since Tobin is coming from Brooklyn and Christen lives on the Upper West Side, they make a loose plan to meet for a late breakfast at a little place in Soho and go from there, making their way back uptown with no real agenda. The inner planner in Christen struggles a bit, but she figures doing pretty much anything with Tobin will be fun and decides to just go with the flow today.

When she arrives she puts her name on the short list for a table and subtly checks herself in the reflection of the windows next door while she waits outside for Tobin. She had limited time to get ready once they decided where and when to meet. Her makeup is light and her hair is down and naturally curly, not wanting to battle the humidity walking around the city. She decided on a simple and practical but still cute outfit and feels satisfied with her choice. She wants to look good for Tobin but still be comfortable, especially not knowing what they might end up doing during the day. 

She spots Tobin strolling down the block and as excited as she has been for this moment all morning, she is not prepared for the sight of casual NYC street wear Tobin walking up to her in that snapback, looking so damn cool. And cute. And sexy. All at the same time. 

Matching smiles take over their faces once they make eye contact and suddenly any words Christen might have had ready are gone from her vocabulary as Tobin gets closer. Once within reach, Tobin wraps her arm around Christen’s shoulder and pulls her in to kiss the side of her head, “hi, you look beautiful” she whispers in her ear. 

“You look hot” Christen blurts out as Tobin leans back a bit. She’s embarrassed about it for just a brief moment, but Tobin is in fact hot, and she fights the urge to apologize and take it back immediately. 

If she can read the look in Tobin’s eye correctly, she doesn’t think Tobin minded the bold compliment. And when Tobin smiles wider and quickly pulls her back in for a full hug, she decides she doesn’t regret the slip at all.

Breakfast goes as smooth as ever, and after Tobin swoops up the check with a wink, they decide to just wander the streets of Soho for a while and do some window shopping. 

They pop in and out of a few shops, Tobin holding up ridiculous articles of clothing, touching way too many breakable things in stores that sell random knick knacks, casually but not so casually bumping shoulders and arms as they walk and move through stores.

Christen can’t stop smiling and laughing and finds herself using it as a reason to gently touch Tobin’s arm or lean into her, getting a little more brave each time. 

After walking out of maybe their fourth or fifth store, the sidewalk is a little bit busier as the morning has officially turned into early afternoon and Christen can’t resist any longer. She slides her hand into Tobin’s and their fingers interlock like they’ve done this strolling through the city a million times already. It’s not the first time they’ve held hands, but for some reason it feels like the most important time. 

Tobin just looks over at her quickly and then they both grin into their shoes as they continue down the street, shoulders bumping even after the foot traffic opens up a bit. 

After the longest, but not at all uncomfortable silence of the day so far, Christen breaks it with “Soooo, I was told there might be a museum visit on this little adventure day?” 

“Umm, yeah MoMA actually has this photo exhibit I’ve been wanting to check out, but I know a lot of people think museums are boring so we don’t have to...”

Christen cuts off her rambling this time before she can start with a kiss on the cheek. She wants to kiss her for real, has wanted to since they stood outside the restaurant before breakfast. But they’re in broad daylight, not outside her apartment or some bar under the streetlights after a few drinks and she feels weird enough about PDA in general. More so she doesn’t think her and Tobin are at “the greet each other with kisses and/or random spontaneous public kisses” stage yet. So she settles for the cheek.

“Sounds cool, let’s find the nearest train station and head there”. 

The subway car is a little crowded being that it's Saturday afternoon, but when they carve out a little space for themselves they stand closer to each other than is probably necessary. A couple stops later when more people crowd on, Tobin slides over a little and grabs a different bar to make room and Christen uses it as an excuse to move in even closer. She presses her front to Tobin’s side, leaning into her and wrapping her arms around Tobin’s waist. Choosing to use her for support instead of grabbing her own bar for stability. 

Christen knows the move is bold. She also knows that to anyone else in the train car with them, they look very much like a gross couple with how they are standing now. And she _ likes _ that feeling. And she really likes being so close to Tobin.

She isn’t brave enough to look up at Tobin’s face to see her reaction, but she feels Tobin slide the arm that's not holding the bar around her lower back and they ride in comfortable silence for the rest of the way. And each time the car sways a little bit, they both secretly relish in the extra contact it creates between their bodies. 

When they finally get inside the museum, they make their way through the various exhibits in no rush at all. They hold hands as they go from room to room, piece to piece, breaking apart occasionally to look at separate things or when one of them wants to read the long description of something. 

They comment on different things. Christen loves hearing Tobin’s opinion and really getting to learn more about her creative side, she really knows her art. 

They quietly make fun of some of the weirder pieces, tease each other and flirt relentlessly, and when they get to the special exhibit Tobin really wanted to see, Christen can’t take her eyes off her. Tobin reads the long bio of the photographer, all the little tidbits throughout the exhibit, and every description on every picture. She looks so serious yet adorable with her furrowed brow and Christen can tell she is in her element and has a deep admiration for this photographer and the craft. Christen just follows along, smiling and listening to Tobin’s occasional commentary, holding her hand and spending way more time looking at Tobin than the photos. 

It’s been a couple hours and it's early evening when they leave the museum and Christen can’t help but feel like the day is going by too fast. 

“Did you have anything in mind for dinner?”

“Umm, not really. I figured we’d just decide when we both got hungry? We’re in midtown so there’s tons of options” Tobin seems a little unsure for the first time today and then Christen has an idea.

“I’m not sure how serious you were about it yesterday, but it actually would be really nice to get the dogs out for a bit today. I usually try and do more with them on the weekends. How would you feel about going back to my place to get them, and then we could grab food and eat in central park? I live within walking distance”. 

“Like a picnic?”, Tobin’s face lights up. 

“Yeah we can have a little picnic, I even have a blanket and everything”.

They catch an Uber back to Christen’s place to save on time, and Christen leads her up to her apartment by the hand. The dogs are thrilled when they come through the door and Christen quickly gathers up some supplies while Tobin waits patiently in the living room and looks around the place. 

She hooks the leashes onto the dogs collars and they make their way to a nearby deli to grab sandwiches. _ How full circle. _

  


They walk through the park for a while, Christen holding the leashes and Tobin holding the bag with the picnic blanket and their food, until they find a suitable spot to lay out their set up. The dogs lounge in the grass as they eat and talk and laugh some more, sitting closely on the blanket that has more than enough space. And when they are both done with their sandwiches, this time it’s Tobin who slides in even closer, placing her hand on the blanket behind Christen’s back and leaning in so their bodies are touching. 

They just stare at each other’s lips for a moment, slowly leaning in but neither making the final move. Tobin looks like she’s just about to go in for the kill when Khaleesi jumps up suddenly and barks at a bird, startling both of them into jumping back a bit and then bursting into nervous giggles at the interruption.

Christen rubs Khaleesi until she calms back down and when she looks back at Tobin, she’s already staring at her with a soft smile but she also looks a little disappointed and frazzled. 

It’s the most cliche scene ever, they are sitting in central park having a damn sunset picnic after a great afternoon together. And Tobin looks so good in the changing evening light and that stupid snapback. Tobin breaks eye contact then and looks off into the distance, accepting that the moment has passed. But Christen won’t accept that. It’s too perfect.

“Hey Tobin,” she says softly, and Tobin looks a little nervous when she looks back into her eyes, but hides it well behind that gorgeous smile. “I’ve really wanted you to kiss me all day”.

And that’s all Tobin needs to get her confidence back. She leans back in for a long slow kiss, and Christen thinks kissing Tobin is already her new favorite thing in the world. After breaking apart, they spend a little while longer just talking closely, wrapped up in each other, in their own little world on this picnic blanket in New York City’s most famous park like a damn romance movie. Until Christen registers that the sun is actually starting to lower quickly. 

“As nice as this is, it’s going to start getting dark soon. And I should actually walk the dogs for a little bit longer before it gets too late.”

Tobin’s face falls a little bit and Christen realizes she must assume the day is coming to and end. But she doesn’t want it to yet. “Do you want to come back to my apartment for a bit, maybe a glass of wine?”

Tobin’s smirk emerges quickly. “I’d love to. But first I have just one request.”

“Okay…” she replies a little suspiciously. 

“Can I take your picture? The lighting is perfect and you just look really beautiful right now.”

And Christen’s insides turn to jelly. Words completely fail her, once again, and she just smiles and nods as Tobin pulls out her phone. She doesn’t really know what to do with herself, and Tobin doesn’t give much direction. She tries her best to just be natural despite how awkward she feels under Tobin’s artistic eye. Tobin takes a few quick shots before she says “Alright, how about one together? I want to remember today”. 

And that’s how they end up with their first pictures together. They take a few of course, because no one ever likes their first attempt, and when Tobin goes “okay last one”, Christen turns and kisses her on the cheek at the last second. Tobin lowers her phone before turning her head to capture Christen’s lips and they get lost again for a moment until one of the increasingly antsy dogs let out a little whine. They laugh as they break apart and then pack up to make their way back through the park. 

When they get back to the apartment, Christen pours them each a glass of wine and they settle on opposite ends of the couch. The tension is thick, but now that they are alone and in private, neither seems to want to initiate anything. They both know where things could lead, but aren’t sure what the other is comfortable with. For all their open flirting and honesty so far, they never talked about what would happen if they got to this point. 

So they fall into easy conversation again, filled with banter and heated eye contact over the rims of their glasses. After a particularly tense stare down, Christen extends her legs out to lay across Tobin’s lap just to be touching her in some way. 

Then Christen suddenly remembers the pictures they took. She got distracted by Tobin’s very skilled mouth in the park and never saw them. 

Tobin hands over her phone without much resistance and Christen starts swiping through the shots, deciding to quickly skip through the ones of just her, still feeling a little awkward and bashful about it. If Tobin notices she doesn’t say anything, she just moves over to Christen’s side of the couch to look over her shoulder. 

“You wanna know what else Allie said at the bar last night?”

“What’s that?”

“She said we look cute together. I think she might be right.” 

“Hmm, I am pretty cute,” Christen playfully slaps Tobin’s shoulder, “but you definitely bring our average way up” she finishes with a smug smile. 

“Smooth” is all Christen can come up with as she tries to fight her grin. It’s corny as hell, and she doesn’t want to be so affected by Tobin’s cheesy flirting, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t totally fall for it anyway. 

“Also apparently everyone in the office has been waiting for us to, and I quote, ‘get our shit together’” Now Tobin looks confused. “Both Allie and Alex said something along those lines. Were we that obvious?”

“You definitely weren't! It was so hard to get a read on you. And uhh...about Alex...”

“What about Alex?”

“Um, I may or may not have texted her about you a few times”.

“You guys talked about me?”

“Not like that! I just, I was so nervous and didn’t know how to make a move. Or if you even liked me back. God that sounds so middle school. I tried to be subtle about it but she totally saw right through me and called me out before offering to help. We weren’t like, scheming or anything weird. She just told me little things like what you like to drink and encouraged me to ask you out.” Tobin is the cutest thing in the world when she’s nervous Christen decides. 

She does her best to hold back her smile, really she’s more flattered than anything but she wants to make Tobin squirm a little more. “You went to my friend for advice on how to ask me out?” she says as seriously as she can. 

“I promise we weren’t like talking about you constantly or being super creepy about it!”

Christen breaks and leans in to capture Tobin’s lips in a deep kiss until she feels her relax, “You’re really cute you know that?”

Now Tobin’s face slips into something a little more smug again. “She also thankfully warned me that night at the club. Had she not, I might have passed out when I saw you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to be like, vulgar or anything. But you looked so fucking good that night. That’s when I knew I was a goner. Especially when I saw that guy moving in on the dance floor. I swear I’m not normally possessive or really the jealous type, but he was gross. And I wanted you that night,” she finishes lowly. 

And that’s the final straw. She doesn't know how Tobin can go from being a rambling mess to totally swoon worthy so fast, but Christen all but attacks Tobin’s face and pushes her against the back of the couch until she can crawl into her lap, sliding her hands to the back of Tobin’s neck to hold her in place. Up until this point, their kisses have all been pretty chaste, learning each other like you do in the early stages. 

But this, this is different. Christen swipes her tongue across Tobin’s bottom lip and it takes a moment, but then she opens her mouth enough for things to quickly get heated. Before they know it they are making out on the couch like teenagers. They explore each others mouths as Tobin’s grip around her waist gets tighter and her hands slide a little further down. Then the need for air becomes too much and Tobin has to break away, “_ fuck Chris” _she whispers out as they both try and catch their breath, foreheads still touching. 

“I wanted you too by the way, want you. And don’t worry, I think a little possessiveness is kinda hot”, Christen lets out coyly, still slightly out of breath. 

“Noted” and Tobin leans back in to kiss her, slower this time, trying to bring them both back down. 

When they break apart again Christen, still in Tobin’s lap, looks down at her and her honey brown eyes are so open and _ pretty _and she doesn’t want to say goodnight tonight. She knows it's late and can feel it coming so before she can stop herself she’s asking, “Do you want to stay here tonight?”

Tobin doesn’t say anything for a moment and Christen worries that may have been too much and starts rushing to cover her tracks. “Sorry, is that too fast? We don’t have to do anything, I just, I’m not sure I’m ready for today to be over.”

Tobin smiles softly and leans up to kiss her gently. “Trust me, I really want to stay. But I actually have a freelance shoot tomorrow. And if I stay here, I can’t promise I’ll behave. Or be able to leave in the morning.” She kisses her again, “And when I stay over,” another kiss, “I want to be able to take my time” she says against Christen’s lips. _ Oh fuck. _

And Christen lets out a little whimper and is melting into Tobin’s mouth again until Tobin reluctantly breaks away, “you really aren't making this easy”. 

“Sorry?”

Tobin lets out a low chuckle, “no you’re not” before leaning back in. Christen just shakes her head and her smile gets in the way of them really kissing so Tobin takes the opportunity to apply a little pressure to Christen’s hips. She gets the hint and slides off Tobin’s lap and back onto the couch, putting a little space between them.

“Seriously Tobin, I had the best day today with you. Just playing tourist for once and walking around the city. I haven't had that much fun in a long time.”

“It was one of the best days I’ve ever had here”, Tobin replies and leans back in softly one more time, before she finally stands from the couch and gives an exaggerated stretch. Christen gathers their wine glasses to take them back to the kitchen. They meet back at the entryway after Tobin has grabbed her keys and neither one wants to say goodbye first. 

“For the record,” Tobin starts, sliding her hands around Christen’s waist again as her arms come up to rest around her shoulders, “I don't think we’re moving too fast. I like you, you like me. Let’s just do whatever feels right for us, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I really do have to go, but I’ll text you tomorrow”.

“Goodnight Tobin, thank you for today”.

“Thank you for spending it with me, goodnight beautiful”, with one last kiss she turns and heads down the stairs with a smile over her shoulder. 

And after today, one thing is certain.

Christen Press is absolutely smitten with Tobin Heath. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> manhattan has a special place in my heart. i went to college on long island less than an hour outside of midtown and spent a fair amount of time in the city. One of my best friends lives in harlem now so i get to go back and visit. did a lot of my growing up in new york (including coming out!). but that being said, i am NO expert lol. so if any new yorkers reading this are judging thats fine lmao 
> 
> anyway i hope this was worth the wait :)


	8. Chapter 8

They text back and forth a little when they both wake up the next day, exchanging good morning texts as they go about their routines. It’s playful and cute and everything one would expect after a day like the one they just had together. 

Tobin admits to being a little stressed but seems excited and Christen doesn’t think too much of it. She just assumes this is standard for Tobin when she does freelance work, or maybe this one is a big deal.

She doesn’t want to pry too much, and Tobin isn’t super forth coming with any info about the shoot or the client. She’s seen Tobin’s work for the magazine, and they’ve talked about it a fair amount on their lunches. But she still doesn’t really understand the process and has no idea what a freelance shoot might even entail. 

By late morning, Tobin’s texting pace has slowed down significantly and her replies have gotten shorter, if not a little curt. Christen assumes she’s just busy as she sets up and it gets closer to the actual photoshoot. 

Around the time Christen suspects the shoot starts, she stops hearing from Tobin all together, without even a “talk to you later” or any type of warning. 

She knows her and Tobin haven’t been doing, whatever it is they’re doing, for very long. And she by no means expects Tobin to text her all day,  _ especially _ while she is working. She’s not one of those women who gets offended or insecure when someone doesn’t respond in a timely manner.

However, she can’t help but feel like something is off. There was such a marked change from last night and their texts this morning to Tobin’s cold and slow responses by early afternoon. And now complete radio silence. It's not like Tobin at all. 

She doesn’t want to be annoying, but by late afternoon she’s worried. Her last two messages have gone completely unanswered, and she sends off one more  **“hope everything is going well, text me later when you’re done! :)” ** before tucking her phone away and deciding to get some things done on this Sunday afternoon. Telling herself that Tobin was just busy and not checking her phone.

She does some laundry and cleaning around the apartment, takes the dogs for a walk, stops by the grocery store to stock up for the next couple days. 

Dinner is almost done and Christen is doing her final taste test when her phone starts ringing on the kitchen counter, Tobin’s name across the screen. 

She’s hesitant to pick up, but decides to just keep it casual. “Hey you.”

“Hey Chris” is all Tobin offers quietly in return. She sounds exhausted and Christen knows right away her suspicions were correct, something isn’t right. She tries not to panic and assume the worst but she’s never heard this tone from Tobin. Even if it was literally only two words. 

“Everything okay?” she says after a moment of silence. And then that silence continues to stretch. “Tobin?”

“Uhhh, not really. It was just kind of a rough day,” Tobin finally sighs out. 

“What’s going on?” Christen asks gently. 

“You know what never mind, I’m sorry to bother you I’m being stupid, I’ll let you go and...”

“Whoa wait Tobin slow down, you’re worrying me a little bit,” she tries to calm the woman on the other end of the line, and herself.

“Sorry. I just…” She doesn’t really have the words but Christen waits patiently. Somehow she can sense that Tobin just needs a moment and is working up to the reason she called.

“Honestly today was kind of a disaster. And for some reason the first thing I did when it was over is call you…”. 

Christen just smiles and continues to wait, but when Tobin doesn’t say anything else she realizes she’s going to need to push a little. “Well I’m glad you did, I missed talking to you today. Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Umm, actually,” she cuts herself off and is silent again. Christen is trying to be patient but Tobin’s weirdness and cryptic behavior is making it hard. 

“Tobin you can tell me.”

“Would it be totally needy and clingy if I said I wanted to see you right now?” she finally gets out, and her voice sounds more unsure than Christen thinks she’s ever heard from her. 

Christen is momentarily shocked and doesn’t respond right away. That’s definitely not what she was expecting.

“Oh, um do you want me to meet me somewhere?” she says to be safe. She isn’t really sure where Tobin’s head is or what she needs right now.

“I don’t really know if I want to be around people…” and that’s when Christen realizes just how seriously Tobin’s mood is. Tobin  _ always  _ wants to be around people.

“I was actually just finishing up some spaghetti for dinner, do you want to come over?” she extends softly. 

“Another question, how crazy would I sound if I said I was on the train headed towards your place already?”

Christen lets out a laugh, but she’s not sure if it’s from shock, nerves, or the way Tobin makes her feel. 

“Sounds like I should keep it hot and I’ll see you soon?” she says through a smile even though she’s still worried and has no idea what’s wrong. 

Tobin sounds relieved and a little more like herself for the first time, but still subdued when she responds, “I’ll see you soon. Thanks Chris”. 

She isn’t sure what she expected when she finally opened the door for Tobin, but Tobin stepping in and immediately pulling her into a tight hug and burying her face in Christen’s neck wasn’t it. She simply wraps her arms around Tobin and holds her for a few quiet moments.

Tobin pulls back from the hug and leans in to capture’s Christen’s lips in a slow kiss that she hums into. “I’ve wanted to do that all day”. And Christen can’t help but think I _ could get used to this kind of greeting.  _

But when Tobin pulls back completely to look into her eyes, Christen is reminded that something is very wrong and that’s why Tobin is here in her doorway kissing her unexpectedly on a Sunday evening.

She ushers her into the living room and onto the couch while she goes back to the kitchen turn off the burners and grab Tobin a glass of water. 

They sit in silence for a bit, Christen sensing that Tobin just needs some time. She’s learned that much about her already. 

“Sorry I went MIA today, and for intruding on your evening” is the first real thing Tobin says. 

“Okay first of all you aren’t intruding on anything, as unexpected as it is I’m still happy you’re here. And second, it’s okay. It’s not a big deal and I don’t expect you to text me all the time, that’s gross,” she tries to lighten the mood and Tobin gives a half hearted smile. “But the  _ way _ you disappeared did worry me a little. Do you want to talk about it?”

Tobin just sighs and leans back on the couch, staring into space.

“Tobin you called me and came here for a reason, and if you want to talk, I'm all ears. I promise I won’t judge you” she tries to urge. Tobin takes in a deep breath.

“Today was absolute shit. It started off just little things, one of those days where every little thing goes wrong. I spilled coffee on my shirt, I couldn’t find my keys, I was late getting to the subway. And then it just spiraled from there. There was a major delay on the train which made me late meeting the client. They were understandably annoyed and I was already stressed and frustrated. Then the shoot itself was also a disaster and nothing was working. We couldn’t agree on anything and neither of us were satisfied with any shots. I’ve had some tough clients and shoots before but nothing like today.”

She finally takes a break and Christen takes the opportunity to reach over and gently rub the back of Tobin’s neck. She isn’t sure what to say and she can tell Tobin isn’t done yet, but she wants to do something to comfort her.

“Everything was a shit show and fell apart, and long story short, I'm going to lose out on a lot of money and it just sucks.”

“Tobin I’m so sorry” Christen whispers out. It’s lame and she knows it but that’s all she really has to offer.

Tobin finally looks back over at her and smiles softly. 

“I missed talking to you today too by the way. And I’m sorry again. Trust me all I wanted all day was to talk to you, even after we spent all day yesterday together. But I needed to focus and didn’t want to be like, whiny or anything. Plus I was in a mood and didn’t want to take any of that out on you either. Even on accident.” 

Christen can't fight her smile and her insides warm, “please stop apologizing. I’m sorry you had such a bad day.”

“I uh, I was headed this way and calling you before I even realized it. I think even subconsciously I knew just hearing your voice and being near you would make me feel better, maybe the only thing that could. And I do. Feel better already I mean”, and she goes all shy at the end in the way Christen adores. 

She leans over to kiss her softly again, and Tobin lets out another soft hum. “I’m happy you called me. And that you’re here.” 

Tobin declines the offer of beer or wine, and they eat dinner while watching trashy tv and Tobin seems to be almost back to herself. She’s sitting on the floor in between Christen’s legs, in the middle of receiving a shoulder rub and pettings the dogs by her side when Christen finally circles back to the reason Tobin is really there. 

“Stop me if I’m out of line here. But is there any other reason you were so upset earlier? You didn’t even sound like yourself when you first called” she says unsurely, not wanting to push too hard but wanting Tobin to open up.

She gives Tobin a bit to get her thoughts together again.

“When I first moved back from Paris and decided to give photography a serious go, there was a period of time before the jobs were coming consistently. I blew through my savings pretty quickly and made some real stupid decisions, and it cost me.”

Christen’s brows furrow, “Was it anything serious?” she asks.

“No no!” Tobin rushes out a little frantically. “Just some money things. Racked up a fair amount of credit card debt. The magazine pays me well enough, but I’m still trying to get back on my feet and my parents have already done so much. So I was just really counting on the money from today.”

Christen doesn’t know what to say or do, money isn’t something she’s ever really had to be stressed about.

Luckily Tobin saves her by adding on “It doesn’t help that my roommate situation isn’t so great right now. That’s another reason I didn’t want to go straight home”.

And this topic feels safer. “What’s wrong with your roommate? I thought you guys were cool?”

“Yeah we were. Until we weren't. She’s got some shit going on right now, I’m not really sure what but things have just been weird lately. Her drama has started to follow her home and there’s always different people in and out of the apartment. It seems sketchy but technically she was on the lease first and let me take the second bedroom for super cheap so I can't really say anything. I can’t believe I even still have to live with a roommate” she sighs pathetically, looking up at the ceiling.

“You can stay here tonight” Christen says before she can stop herself. Tobin still just seems so down, and letting her go home tonight feels sort of like dumping a lost puppy back out onto the streets. 

After only minor protest from Tobin and establishing some ground rules for the evening ( _ can I just cuddle you all night? _ ), Christen finds an extra toothbrush and some clothes for Tobin to sleep in, an outfit for work the next day, and they move into the bedroom.

It’s a little awkward at first, sharing a bed for the first time and knowing it’s not going to lead to anything but sleep. But it feels good. 

They lay in bed facing each other and talk quietly for hours, Tobin sharing how she briefly worked as a school portrait photographer while still trying to find freelance jobs to pay the bills. Not many people know because Tobin thinks its super embarrassing and damaging to her “badass street photographer reputation”, but Christen of course just teases her and thinks it's adorable. She likes the idea of Tobin with kids for some reason. 

Tobin eventually goes quiet, then admits that today was also a major hit to her confidence as a photographer. She thought she was ready for the job, but things fell apart so quickly and she couldn’t salvage anything.

Christen wastes no time in reassuring her. “Tobin we both know I know next to nothing about photography. But I have eyes and opinions and I like to think I know good pictures when I see them. You got our magazine to create an entire new section for you. That’s incredible. Your work speaks to people. You’re incredible.”

Tobin crashes their lips together forcefully and Christen thinks she might feel a small tear transfer to her cheeks, but she spares Tobin and just keeps their faces close and her eyes closed when they break apart, heads now on the same pillow. 

“Thanks again for letting me come over, and letting me stay. You’ve already made me feel a million times better, just by being here and listening.” 

They spend a little while longer cuddling and kissing softly in bed before they both finally drift to sleep. 

When Christen wakes up the next morning still in Tobin’s arms, she fears she might already be completely hooked.

She forces that thought to the back of her mind as they get ready together, smiling at each other in the mirror as they brush their teeth. She wouldn’t allow Tobin to kiss her before then, but Tobin is sure to make up for it after they’re done.

She has to physically push Tobin into the bathroom to shower while she goes into the kitchen to start coffee, and after switching places they are both ready and headed towards the office.

They hold hands on the subway and for the walk, but when they get closer to the office the tension increases and neither of them knows how to act.

Their coworkers obviously know about them, but they still have unspoken established boundaries at work. And sleepovers that lead to showing up to work together certainly complicates things. 

As if Tobin can feel Christen’s mounting anxiety as they reach the building, she pulls on her hand slightly to bring them both to a stop.

Tobin leans in and kisses her on the cheek, “Have a good day beautiful. I hope this Monday is a little bit brighter than all the rest” she says with an easy smile before she heads inside so they can go up the elevator separately. It might seem silly, but she's glad they still both seem to be on the same page about keeping things strictly professional during work hours. 

And Christen knows things are okay, they can do whatever they are doing and still be coworkers. 

And after spending a whole morning with Tobin’s sweet kisses and her easy smile before parting to start their days, her Monday is a bit brighter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay first of all, these comments and kudos *insert crying emoji*. some of them are seriously so nice i get emotional. so thank you thank you thank you
> 
> secondly, i know i said there would be minimal angst, but this chapter is setting up some things to come in the future. it won't be anything too painful i promise, but i wanted to give everyone advanced warning since i originally said this would be all fluff 
> 
> every relationship has tests right? 
> 
> anyway hope you enjoyed and come talk to me on tumblr! (same name)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to post this as two smaller separate chapters since this part was done and (lazily) edited

Despite Christen’s better than normal Monday, when Tuesday arrives, reality sets back in and it gets harder and harder to ignore the discussion she needs to have with Tobin. 

She’s in the break room that morning when Christen goes for a coffee refill, and even though a smile forms on her face as soon as they make eye contact, she still notices Tobin’s eyes flit around and she takes note of the 3 other people gathered and making small talk. 

It’s awkward to say the least. 

They aren’t exactly a secret, but neither knows how to actually act or greet each other now that they’ve become a  _ something  _ and are face to face in their place of work, having not seen each other since they parted outside the morning before.

Christen mumbles a polite good morning to everyone, fills her cup, and leaves without speaking a single sentence to Tobin. It’s uncomfortable and she feels bad but her anxiety is yelling at her to flee the situation as quickly as possible. 

When they head out for their standing Tuesday lunch, it’s  _ painfully _ awkward. And it shouldn’t be, they had an amazing weekend minus Tobin’s photoshoot and things have just come so naturally to them up until this point. 

But she doesn’t know if she can or should grab Tobin’s hand as they meander down the street. She doesn’t know if she can or should kiss her like she so desperately wants too. She doesn’t know what to do at all. 

And from how quiet Tobin is being, she thinks Tobin might be fighting the same internal battle. 

After sitting and eating their food in near silence for a few moments, Christen finally breaks. 

“Why is this so weird?”

Tobin lets out a little laugh, like she’s relieved Christen asked first. 

“I don’t know, but it shouldn’t be right?”

“I think maybe we need to establish some ground rules...” Christen starts tentatively. So far they’ve just been going with the flow and assuming the other is on the same page. But that won’t really work for much longer if their break room interaction that morning is any indication. 

Tobin seems a little nervous when she responds, “yeah, sure, okay, yeah”. 

Christen can’t help but smile softly, knowing Tobin is trying so hard to be cool. “Nothing bad I promise, but we can’t keep just dancing around the fact that we are coworkers. And that has the potential to get very messy.” It’s blunt, but honesty has always been at the forefront of their budding... _ relationship? _

Tobin lets out a sigh, like this is exactly the conversation she wanted to avoid but also knows it needs to happen. 

Christen decides to take the lead. “Obviously we like each other, but I think in the office and during work hours we should continue to keep things strictly professional.” 

“Okay, yeah. I guess you’re right.” And Tobin almost looks like she’s being rejected and it hurts Christen’s heart a little, but it’s also kind of adorable. 

“Tobin nothing needs to change, we can act the same way we were acting, you know before...” she trails off hoping Tobin gets what she’s saying without her actually having to put together words to describe what’s happening between them. 

And Tobin lights up a little more when she asks, “so I can still come by your desk and bother you?” with a hopeful smirk. 

“Of course” Christen says softly as she tries to calm the butterflies in her stomach that Tobin so often sends into a frenzy. “You’re never bothering me. We don’t need to act like we don’t know each other suddenly” she says with a teasing laugh. “Buuuuut I don’t think we should have any more weekday sleepovers for now.”

Tobin looks at her like she wants to protest but decides on just a simple nod instead. 

“Don’t get me wrong, waking up and getting ready with you was nice, a little too nice. I just think it’s kinda soon for that,” she finishes hesitantly. 

She’s okay with how things have been progressing between them, but she knows it’d be too easy to slip into something more than she’s ready for. Codependency is a road she has been down before and not something she is eager to fall into again. 

“Yeah it was definitely nice, but I get it and I agree. I’m good with whatever you’re good with. Can I walk you to the train after work though?” And Tobin’s full smile is back. 

“I’d really love that.” 

With their boundaries clearly established, they enjoy the rest of their lunch and at the end of the day Tobin walks her to her subway stop and kisses her goodbye outside before she heads down the stairs into the station. 

And the rest of the week continues much the same. They keep it together at work and Tobin walks her to the train and kisses her every day. Their texts increase in frequency, flirtatiousness, and tension. 

By Thursday, Tobin’s hands linger a little too long on her hips and her eyes a little too long on Christen’s lips as she finally lets her go. 

It’s been a good week, but they’ve barely spent any actual time together and as always by Friday happy hour they’re both feeling this pull. 

The group migration from the office to the bar is innocent enough. But that’s about where it stops. They work week is officially over, and the lines they’ve drawn no longer exist. 

Tobin is grabbing her hand the moment they step foot into the bar, and apparently decides that’s not enough because after approximately four steps inside, she legs go for only a moment, just to slide the same hand around to Christen’s lower back. Resting dangerously low as they walk. She hovers close behind, so close Christen can feel her body heat all over. Or maybe being this close to Tobin again is just making her hot.

This bar is one of their favorites, their go to when no one offers any other suggestions. So they all head straight towards the back for a large corner booth that always seems to be open. 

Tobin and Christen end up sitting in the middle, and even though there is more than enough space, Tobin squeezes in so she is sitting practically on top of Christen and lays her arm across the back of the booth behind her. 

They talk with their coworkers in the booth for a while, but their legs are intertwined under the table, and Tobin’s arm finds its way around Christen’s shoulder, pulling her even closer as if it were possible. 

So wrapped up in each other do they become, that neither of them have even finished their first drink when the last two of their coworkers left at the booth make their way to the pool tables to join the others (most of them two or three drinks in by now). 

And then they are finally alone. 

“Hi.” Christen says with a bright smile.

Tobin wastes no time in leaning in and giving her a soft, chaste kiss. It’s not nearly satisfying enough, but it’s also not late enough yet and they aren’t drunk enough to be making out in a bar with their coworkers not far away, undoubtedly watching and probably talking about them.

“I missed you” Tobin whispers against her lips before pulling away fully to look into her eyes. 

It’s so lame, because they’ve seen each other every single day for the last week. They’ve texted essentially non-stop, and other than Monday she never went home without a goodbye kiss. 

Yet, she feels exactly the same way. She just leans back in to peck Tobin’s lips again and that seems to get the point across based on the dazzling smile she gets in return.

They only get a few minutes alone before some of the group finishes up their pool game and plops back down at the booth with another round. 

Tobin gets pulled into the conversation quickly and it almost feels like those first few times she decided to come to happy hour, except now Tobin’s hand is on her knee under the table, moving up and down her thigh slowly every so often.

She sits back and observes Tobin like this, so relaxed and carefree and somehow the life of the party while still being the most chill person at the same time. She’s beautiful. 

Tobin must feel her staring at the side of her head, because as the conversation moves on to a new topic, she squeezes Christen’s leg gently and turns her head so they can exchange a smile.

Christen lays her hand on top of Tobin’s as they continue to look at each other, and she lets her eyes roam over Tobin’s face until she notices Tobin’s gaze dip down to her lips. And then it changes. Tobin is beautiful, but she’s also too hot for her own good. 

“Ugh you guys are gross, we’re going back to the bar” someone says as they all slide back out of the booth, but neither woman even bothers to acknowledge it.

What just moments ago was all coy smiles and innocent hands, has now become something else entirely. 

“You know, even though we literally just had a talk about ground rules at work, all week part of me was secretly hoping you’d drag me into a supply closet or something” Christen confesses as she leans in closer. And Tobin’s eyes get even darker.

“Trust me, I was tempted on more than one occassion,” she leans in for a kiss but looks a little stunned when Christen leans back to avoid her lips. Until she sees the sly smirk on Christen’s lips and then goes back in with more determination.

It doesn’t last long before Christen leans back again. Tobin’s eyes are on fire. She won’t or can’t tear them from Christen’s lips and its that moment that Christen knows where she wants this to go. 

“Do you want to come back to my place?”

And then Tobin’s eyes snap to attention. She doesn’t look uncertain, in fact she looks like she wants to teleport there right this instant. But she still asks, “Chris are you sure?”

She knows Tobin is asking about more than just leaving the bar and going back to her apartment. “Absolutely,” she says with a confident nod. And then she leans into Tobin’s ear and husks out “I know what I want.”

Tobin is grabbing her hand and pulling her from the booth at light speed. They issue quick goodbyes to their coworkers/friends, and Allie whines about them not being able to last 10 more minutes so she could win the bet. 

The air in the uber ride back to her apartment is thick with the best kind of tension, and Tobin slides over to the middle seat because although they are respectful of their driver, they also can’t keep their hands off each other. 

She expects it to be hot. She expects it to be passionate and sexy and well worth the wait. She figured Tobin would be attentive in bed and that they would have chemistry. 

What she doesn’t expect is for Tobin to be so soft and caring the entire time. From the way she leads her upstairs and to the bed by the hand, even though it’s Christen’s apartment, to the way she works her up perfectly and then gently lets her back down, three times before she lets Christen have a turn. 

She doesn’t expect to have such amazing communication with someone, especially their first time together. Tobin checks in with her constantly, and never before has someone figured out how to drive her crazy so quickly. 

She doesn’t expect sex with Tobin to be possibly the best she’s ever had.

After a few more rounds of exchanging orgasms, she falls asleep curled into Tobin’s side half on top of her. And it’s the best most relaxed deep sleep she’s had in years. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next part should be up hopefully this weekend!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> picks up the next morning

Christen wakes up feeling warm. And not just warm because Tobin’s arms are still wrapped snugly around her from behind, their legs intertwined under the sheets. 

But the type of warmth you feel in your very soul. The type of warmth you feel from the inside out, the type makes you feel like you could burst. 

A smile finds its way to her face and she wants to stay curled up here for hours but her bladder has other ideas. 

She turns slowly in Tobin’s arms to face her, and the movement must cause her to wake slightly because her hold tightens and her face scrunches up adorably. 

She tucks herself into Tobin’s neck and breathes her in, before pressing her lips lightly to her exposed clavicle and starting to pull away. 

“Noooooo don’t go” Tobin groans out sleepily. 

“I just have to use the bathroom, I promise I’ll be right back”. 

Tobin sighs but doesn’t say anything, and after a moment she relents and lets Christen go. 

She tiptoes to the bathroom to pee and brush her teeth before she slides carefully back into bed. 

Tobin’s eyes are still closed but she’s laying on her back now, and the way she pulls Christen onto her chest and smiles lazily lets Christen know she’s more awake, even if she wants to fight it. 

Christen just lays on her bare chest for a little longer, before lifting her head and resting up on her elbow to admire Tobin in the early morning light. 

“I forgot you’re such a morning person” is the first thing Tobin says after a while and her scratchy morning voice does things to Christen. 

Christen giggles and leans in to give her a small closed lip kiss. She can’t resist. 

“I’m going to go do my morning thing, but go back to sleep and I’ll come back to bed in a bit” she says softly before sliding out again. 

Tobin just nods without ever opening her eyes and sinks back into the bed, and Christen almost doesn’t leave the room. 

She manages to muster her will power, knowing she will feel off all day if she doesn’t get in at least a few minutes of meditation and a quick yoga routine. She throws on some leggings and a sports bra before heading to the living room.

She’s maybe 7-8 minutes into her short 10 min meditation timer when she hears the bedroom door open quietly. 

When the gentle music on her phone timer starts, she opens her eyes slowly and turns around to see Tobin just leaning against the doorway watching her, wearing a tight fitting tank top from Christen’s drawer and sweatpants sitting dangerously low on her hips. She looks irresistible. 

Christen reaches her hand out and Tobin pads over and helps her off the floor and pulls her into a hug. 

“The bed was cold” she mumbles into Christen’s neck and sleepy morning Tobin might be her favorite version of Tobin yet. 

She pulls back and can smell the minty toothpaste on Tobin’s breath, and leans in to kiss her for real. 

It’s soft and lazy and everything morning kisses should be. 

“There’s coffee in the kitchen”. 

“Oh thank god” Tobin says and she’s so serious that Christen can’t help but let out a deep full bodied laugh. 

She lays out her yoga mat and gets started on some stretches while Tobin heads to the kitchen. 

Tobin comes back a few minutes later with two steaming cups and sets one on the coffee table Christen had pushed slightly out of the way and eases herself down onto the couch to watch. 

She can feel Tobin’s eyes following her every move, and eventually she looks up and shoots her a flirty smile and wink as she changes poses. 

Tobin bites her lip and just continues to watch while sipping her coffee, until she finally breaks their peaceful morning silence. 

“You know I’ve never actually seen you do yoga before”. 

“I do classes at the office every week, you’re more than welcome to join although you might be a little distracting.”

“I actually wanted to come to a class, but I was way too nervous I’d fuck up or not be able to do any of the poses and you’d totally judge me.”

Christen laughs lightly but she also knows Tobin’s confession means something a little deeper than being intimidated by an informal yoga class. Tobin has been very clear about her nerves in the beginning, and Christen still finds it slightly unbelievable and ridiculously charming. 

“I even made it all the way to the hallway outside the room. But one peek inside at you in those pants, and I knew I wouldn’t survive.” 

_ How does she do that? _ So easily switch from shy confessions to making Christen swoon. 

She decides to cut her routine short and stands up to make her way over to the couch. 

She slides into her lap as Tobin adds on in a low voice, “it's even sexier than I imagined” and that’s all it takes before Christen is leaning in to capture her lips deeply. And Tobin meets her eagerly as her arms wrap solidly around Christen’s lower back to hold her in place. 

Christen feels something stirring deep in her core, but before they get lost in each other again she knows they need to at least acknowledge last night and pulls away feeling a little shy. 

“Sooo…”

“Sooooo…” Tobin repeats with a knowing smirk. 

“Last night was kind of, incredible” she breathes out. She wanted to play it coy but the way Tobin is looking at her right now makes that impossible so it just slips out. 

Tobin's bravado softens a little bit before she responds sweetly, “yeah, yeah it was.”

They can both feel a shift, but Christen doesn’t know how to ask what she really wants to ask and instead of continuing to be brave, she decides to change her course. 

“I should take the dogs out for a walk, they’ve been very patient this morning. If you want to come with me, there’s a cute place around the corner we can grab breakfast at”. 

Tobin stares back at her for a moment, seemingly contemplating something serious before she smiles softly again. 

“Sounds perfect”. 

They spend the morning lazily walking the dogs around Christen’s neighborhood, and Tobin only lets go of her hand when they actually sit down outside at the little cafe sidewalk patio to eat. 

When they make it back to the apartment, it doesn’t take long for them to end up back in bed, definitely not getting any more sleep. 

It’s nearing dinner time and they are cuddled on the couch in front of Christen’s laptop, discussing options to order in when Tobin slips up. 

“I’m cool with whatever you want babe.” 

And Christen’s heart almost leaps out of her chest. 

“What did you say?” she sits up to look at Tobin’s face, and sees the panic written all over her expression. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean, nothing sorry. Let’s just order pizza”, she tries to recover. Tobin pulls away and focuses intently on the online menu in front of her like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. 

But Christen can’t ignore it. She doesn’t want to. 

All day she’s been putting off the conversation she so desperately wants to have but doesn’t know how. 

“Tobin it’s okay,” she waits a moment. “Will you look at me please?” 

When Tobin finally looks back at her, she looks so guilty and sheepish that Christen leans in and kisses her. Because it’s her favorite thing to do now. 

“Tobin I really, really like you.”

“I really like you too, but I think we’ve established that”. They both breathe out small laughs but it doesn’t do much to dissipate the tension that’s formed. 

“We’ve also established that last night, and today, were great. But, I guess I’m just wondering where we stand now” Christen says uncertainly. 

She isn’t at all uncertain about what she wants, but she doesn’t know want Tobin wants. They’ve been more than open and honest about their feelings, but not so much about where this thing between them is going or what it means. 

Tobin takes a deep breath, which Christen has noticed she always does when preparing her words carefully. But then she remains silent. So she takes the reigns again.

“Look we’ve been hanging out a lot and going on lunch dates or whatever you want to call them for a few months now. And these last couple of weeks have been so amazing. I’ve been trying to just go with the flow like you said but I’m also kind of going crazy inside. I’m not saying we need labels or anything right now but I guess I just need to know what you want from this or what we’re doing? Like are we dating? Is it casual? Are you seeing other people? I don’t care if you are, wait no that’s a lie I would care, but it’s okay as long as I know..” she’s not normally the one to ramble and when she realizes she stops abruptly and closes her eyes to gather herself. 

“I know we’ve only been technically doing whatever this is for a short time. But it feels like it could be something real. It already feels like something real, and I need to know if you feel it too.”

When she finally looks up again, Tobin is grinning at her and her eyes are shining like never before. 

“Chris of course it feels real to me too. I honestly don’t think you understand, sometimes it scares me a bit. I’ve been trying so hard to keep cool and not scare you away with how I feel or move too fast. Honestly I wanted to ask you the minute we woke up this morning, but it seemed a little too cliche after a night of mind blowing sex” she teases with a cocky smile.

And Christen finally relaxes her shoulders and laughs, she still doesn’t understand how Tobin can do that so effortlessly in the middle of such a serious conversation, but she appreciates it nonetheless. 

“Hell I wanted to ask all week, but we were always at work and the timing was never right. And for the record", she leans in a little closer, "no. I’m not seeing, or talking to, or even entertaining the thought of anyone else.” 

Christen smiles at that. “Me either.”

“Okay. Good. Because Christen, I want nothing more than for you to be mine, completely. Will you do me that honor?”

The full strength of Christen’s grin breaks through as she leans in to press her lips firmly to Tobin’s. 

Once again their smiles get in the way and Tobin leans back to ask “so is that a yes? Or...”

“Yes you dork!” and then she leans in to kiss her again. 

And they’re both downright giddy. 

Tobin pauses to ask, their lips still brushing, “so does this mean I get to call you babe?”

Christen nods as she pecks their lips together again.

“And introduce you as my girlfriend?” Another nod and a peck.

“Mmmm” Tobin hums against her lips, “and let the entire world know that Christen Press is mine?”

At this Christen pulls back a little further to look into Tobin's eyes, and she knows her own must be smoldering if the sudden swoop low in her core is anything to go by. 

“Remember when I said I think a little possessiveness is hot?” she whispers. 

And Tobin’s eyes darken so fast it would be comical if she wasn’t so distracted by the feeling between her legs and they way Tobin’s gaze drops to her lips.

“Bedroom?”

“Bedroom.”

It’s hours later when one of their stomachs (they aren’t entirely sure whose) growls during a break in the action and they both laugh, realizing they never even ordered dinner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> pressedbean24 on tumblr


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've had a slight time jump. we are now roughly caught up to this time of year, late September/early fall-ish (the timeline isn't perfect but this is fan fiction so work with me here lol). Excuse any typos, I edited this at like midnight 
> 
> happy spooky season everyone! fall is the best time of year, especially in NYC, and i will not be hearing any arguments on this matter :)

It’s that lovely but frustrating time of year where the days are still warm and sunny, but the chill of the mornings and evenings make dressing for the day a little more challenging.

She made the mistake of leaving the window cracked last night and the breeze that comes through must be what wakes her up this morning. She still isn’t one for sleeping in past 9am, but Tobin’s soft breathing that’s not quite snoring and strong arm draped around her have made getting out of bed even harder than the crisp early fall air. 

The sun in shining brightly through the curtains and the dogs jump up from waiting patiently on their bed in the corner of the room when she finally rises and makes her way to the living room, leaving a sleeping Tobin behind.

Somehow, they’ve quickly developed a routine. During the week they maintain their work boundaries. Tobin still comes by her desk and walks her to the train most days. And on Fridays after happy hour they make their way back to Christen’s apartment and fall in bed to reacquaint themselves. 

Christen still gets up and does her regular morning regimen, but slowly over the weeks she’s taken to lounging in bed just a little bit longer, enjoying the moment and the feeling of waking up next to Tobin. And Tobin always adorably pads out into the living room sometime later, rubbing her eyes and heading straight towards the smell of coffee. 

Tobin started packing a small overnight bag every Friday, and then very soon after that the overnight bag turned into a weekend bag. She has a toothbrush in the bathroom now and her face wash in the shower. They are basically the same size in clothes so pieces of her wardrobe have mysteriously made their way into Christen’s laundry and closet, and plenty of her clothes have been sent home with Tobin wearing them, yet to be returned. 

They usually spend Saturdays exploring the city, walking the dogs, and either trying a new restaurant or cooking dinner together before snuggling up on the couch for a movie and slow kisses.

Sundays are for cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping which Tobin happily tags along for and assists where she can before she goes back home in the evenings. Christen always insists it’s not necessary for her to stick around for her boring chores, and Tobin always hushes her with a kiss and a “just let me help you”. It’s not overbearing, and she never oversteps.

It's like Tobin knows exactly what she needs and when, always handing her the spatula at the perfect time, or grabbing something out of her hands to ease the load right before she thinks she’s going to drop it. 

It’s domestic and it’s perfect. 

They’ve both been working a lot too, Tobin taking on extra freelance gigs during the weekday evenings and Christen taking on more of an editing role in the company, leading her to start taking her work laptop home more nights than not.

They usually try not to work on the weekends, but this particular Saturday is spent lazing around the apartment, Tobin editing photos on her own laptop and Christen reading through articles for their newly added community/aspiring writers submission section. 

They are sitting on separate ends of the couch with their legs intertwined and both have been in the zone for a couple hours at least when Christen finally breaks her concentration and rolls her neck with a sigh that draws Tobin’s attention. She reaches out to start rubbing Christen’s ankle gently.

“Mmm that feels good” she practically moans out as she closes her eyes briefly. Tobin just shoots her famous smile across the couch and continues her movements, moving her laptop to the coffee table and slowly working her way up Christen’s calf with both hands now. 

Eventually they come to an unspoken agreement that they are both done being productive for the evening, and Tobin crawls across the couch and holds herself up with strong arms to lean in and press a lazy kiss to Christen’s waiting lips. 

She reaches a hand up and cups Tobin’s jaw, gently brushing her thumb back and forth across her cheek as they pull apart and just stare at each other. Tobin is hilarious and thoughtful, and they have so much fun together. Their text thread is pretty much never ending whenever they are apart, they’ve been inseparable on the weekends, and their days are often filled with plenty of adventure and laughter. 

But it’s these small quiet moments together that she’s come to cherish most. Just relaxing in each other’s company and feeling connected, even if they aren’t talking. It amazes her how comfortable they already are with each other. 

“I’m going to put the salmon in the oven, I'll be right back” Tobin mutters against her lips before standing from the couch. 

Christen just watches her figure retreat while biting her lip, until the dogs jump up excitedly and follow Tobin into the kitchen and her smile turns more fond. 

When Tobin comes back, the dogs hot on her heels, she does a little spin that sends them into a frenzy. She laughs and does it again, and this time Khaleesi does her own little doggie spin, tailing wagging happily while she looks up at her and it makes Christen’s heart clench at the same time she lets out a deep laugh. It’s one of the cutest things she’s ever seen.

“You’re lucky they like you, otherwise I’m not sure this would have worked out” Christen teases.

Tobin clutches at her chest dramatically and pretends to be shocked resulting in Christen laughing even harder. 

“I don't know, I think they might be starting to like me more than you”. 

She knows Tobin is being cheeky, but she’s actually momentarily offended and playfully slaps her shoulder. “You take that back right now! Or you aren’t getting any the rest of the weekend.”

Works like a charm.

A while later, after they’ve finished dinner and Christen comes back from taking their dishes to the kitchen, she asks Tobin if she has a movie or tv show preference for the night. 

“Actually, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about” Tobin says hesitantly but she’s trying to be confident, and it creates a weird sort of anxiety in Christen that she tries to hide.

She must not hide it well because Tobin quickly reaches out for her hand and brings it to her lips, “It’s nothing bad I promise. Sorry I shouldn’t have started like that.”

She relaxes completely, she trusts Tobin and doesn’t have any real reason to worry. About anything. Tobin is amazing. Everything between them has been amazing so far. 

She also picks up on the fact that Tobin is nervous, and she secretly loves when Tobin gets nervous because it usually means she’s going to say something that gives Christen that fluttery feeling.

“So I have to go to LA in a couple weeks for work. This up and coming designer wants me to shoot for them, and the site offered to partner and promote them too so it’s kind of a big deal. They are paying for my flights and an airbnb near the beach and everything. I have to be there from Thursday to Sunday. And I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come with me?” 

And yup there's the flutter.

Christen doesn’t really know what to say at first. She hasn’t been home in over a year and the prospect of visiting her family and friends is of course appealing. She can probably take the time off pretty easily and work remotely if she really needed to. 

And it’s not like her and Tobin don’t spend every weekend together anyway.

But something about the thought of going on _ vacation _ with Tobin, no matter where and how short, feels significant. 

She takes a moment to respond so Tobin keeps talking.

“You can take time to think about it, or totally say no. But if you want to I can use some of my freelance money to pay for your flights. I just know you miss your family and then when I’m not working, I think could have fun. Or we can just chill or whatever.”

Christen melts into a smile and leans in to kiss her girlfriend. “You just want an excuse to meet my family and try and charm them as much as I charmed yours at dinner last weekend.”

Tobin laughs and kisses her again, “Yeah, maybe I have ulterior motives and something to prove” she teases right back. 

It was true though, Tobin had invited Christen to Jersey last Saturday after her mom and sisters nagging her for nearly three weeks. And they’d all immediately been enamored by Christen. Tobin just sat back and took her sisters’ teasing with her signature grin and shrug. She was too in awe of her gorgeous girlfriend getting along so well with them to be bothered to fight back. 

“No but seriously, I’d love for you to get to see your family and show me your side of LA. Me getting to meet them is just a bonus.” 

“I’d love that Tobin, but one condition.”

“Of course, anything.”

“I’m paying for my own flights.” She stands up and pulls Tobin to the bedroom before she can argue. 

  


That Tuesday at lunch, Tobin tells her how some of her friends have (in good nature) been giving her a hard time because she hasn’t been to any of their Saturday pick up games since she started dating Christen. She’s gone to a few mid week ones but it’s been harder with her freelance work taking up so much of her free time and the weekday games are usually smaller and a lot shorter. Often times they just end up doing trick shots or running fun drills. 

She invites Christen to join that weekend and meet everyone, and when Saturday rolls back around, with a lot of convincing and her best puppy dog eyes, she even gets her to agree to borrow her extra cleats and shin guards. 

So that’s how Christen ends up at a public field in Brooklyn playing soccer again for the first time in years on a sunny early fall afternoon.

The first thing she knows for sure is that she is far from the shape she used to be in.

The second is that she’s having _ fun _. 

Whereas her last years playing collegiate soccer had her tearing up before every game and sometimes during, this time she plays with a beaming smile for nearly every minute. 

Her touches are borderline terrible to start, her passes only slightly better, and her first attempt at a shot soars over the crossbar and her second one is wide to the right.

But she doesn’t care. They all rag on each other, there’s definitely some dirty fouls, and there’s more than a little trash talk. But they also cheer for and encourage each other so genuinely. It’s possibly the most fun she’s had playing soccer since she was a kid. 

Eventually she starts to find her touch a little more and when Tobin’s friend Lindsey sends her the perfect cross and the ball finds the back of the net, Tobin is the first one to her.

She wraps her arms around her waist tightly, lifts her into the air, and spins her around. 

“I knew you were good but damn babe that was a beautiful shot” she says into her hair. 

When Tobin sets her down and she looks into her sparkling honey brown eyes, crinkled at the edges from the strength of her smile, Christen feels like she could cry in an entirely different way than how she used to want to on the field. 

Not long after that a couple members of their group have to leave early, and Christen opts to tap out too and watch from the sidelines to even up the teams. At 7v7, the game gets a little more serious and competitive. 

Her eyes rarely leave Tobin, and the intense look on her face as she plays, paired with her running around in that tank top, slightly sweaty with baby hairs falling out of her ponytail, makes for a smoking hot combo.

Tobin is beyond talented. And as she observes, Christen can clearly see why she was good enough to play professionally. Even now, playing pick up in the park with friends, her passion and dedication still shine through. She’s utterly captivating to watch. 

When the game is finally over, everyone else gathers to the side and starts sucking down gulps of water, pulling off their boots and packing up their stuff before it gets dark. 

But Tobin comes right over to where Christen is sitting in the grass and slides in behind her, wrapping her up in her arms and resting her chin on Christen’s shoulder. 

“Thanks for coming with me today CP” she mutters into her neck. And something about the innocent use of her old soccer nickname in this context shocks her into the realization. 

She is ridiculously happy.

With her job, with her family and friends, with life in general, and most importantly she’s so stupidly happy with the girl who’s arms have already started to feel something like home.

Soon they are the last ones on the field. Everyone else throwing waves and “nice to finally meet you Christen” over their shoulder before all heading in different directions home.

The sun is setting so perfectly, the sky a vibrant pink and purple in the distance. 

She’s had yet another incredible day with Tobin. And she’s reconnected in such a positive way to the game that will always be her first love, for the first time since she decided to hang up her boots. 

She adjusts their angle so she can press their lips together softly, and then says quietly into the small space between them, “Thanks for getting me out here. I forgot how much I loved this game and it was actually kind of healing, in a way. Seriously Tobin this was... ” Her voice cracks before she even feels the emotions bubbling to the surface. 

Tobin just squeezes her even tighter and presses her forehead to Christen’s temple. Like she just knows exactly what Christen means, and that she doesn’t need to say anything in response. Just hold her. 

And Christen knows. 

She knows without a shadow of a doubt. She’s not quite ready to say it out loud yet, it feels way too big and way too soon. They’ve barely been together officially for two months and they still have so many experiences and challenges ahead together.

Instead she says "I'm going to be sooo sore tomorrow," and they both laugh lightly, effectively breaking the tension of the moment. 

But she knows. She’s absolutely positively certain.

Christen Press is in love with Tobin Heath. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> full warning: the next 2 chapters are where the angst comes in. note that i've updated the tags. i think every relationship naturally has tests, that's just life. but if you really want fluff only i will try my best to make it so you can skip the next 2 chapters if you choose without missing tooooo much. 
> 
> anyway let me know what you think and come talk to me on tumblr! same name


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorryyyyyy i know this took forever, way longer than i'd planned. i don't really have any reasons or excuses :( but to somewhat make up for it this chapter is a little longer and the next one is already half written. apologies for any typos 
> 
> !WARNING!: this is where the updated tags come in. nothing is too major/described in detail and i don't want to give any spoilers but proceed with caution if your past experience with alcohol isn't so great. and don't drink and drive!!

Normally a pretty tame group at Friday happy hour, as far as drinking in Manhattan goes, Christen can already tell that this Friday is different. 

Josh has invited a couple of guys from outside work to join along, and they’re knocking back shots at the bar before the group has even fully settled into their tables. 

Christen doesn’t count, but she thinks it’s at least 3 and she decides then and there that she and Tobin will probably be leaving early before things get out of hand. 

She’s learned over the last few months that Tobin and Josh have, having worked at some soccer camps together when they were in college and remained friends. He actually was the one who pushed Tobin to apply to work at the site. 

And she learns tonight that Tobin also knows at least one of the guys Josh has invited out, but doesn’t seem too interested in catching up with him. 

Tobin is tense, and Christen doesn’t really understand why or know what to do about it. She tries to ease her with a hand on her knee, but instead of her usual tricks and showing the physical affection she knows Tobin loves calming her down, Tobin’s muscles just tighten even more as the alcohol starts to really hit Josh’s friends. 

They stick around for a little while, long enough for it not to seem completely rude if they leave, and just as she’s about to suggest they make their escape is when things take a turn. 

Josh’s loudest (and clearly drunkest) friend calls Tobin’s name across the table. 

“So Tobster!” He says with a smile that almost looks devilish. 

And whereas Tobin is usually super easy going and loves flowing into any conversation, 

Now she just glares without verbally responding, and Christen can tell by the look in Tobin’s eyes (that she’s never seen before) and the feeling that quickly settles in her gut that something is not right. And their history probably goes a little deeper than not getting along as co-soccer camp counselors. 

Also Tobster is a terrible nickname. 

“Not drinking tonight?” He says, and he says it like he’s expecting a specific reaction. 

Christen is still confused on their dynamic, but Tobin’s eyes get even darker before she puts on a fake smile. Christen has never seen such a smile from Tobin and it sets her on edge. 

“You know I’m not really a drinker anymore Adam”. 

“Yeah I bet”.

Tobin doesn’t say anything back, but now the two are in some sort of a stare down and Christen is starting to get uncomfortable. 

When Adam turns his attention on her, her blood runs cold. She knows whatever is coming probably isn’t anything good. 

“You know your girl  _ used _ to be kind of a big shot back in the day”. 

Okay seriously who even talks like this? _ Big shot _ ? She doesn't miss the emphasis on used to either. This guy sucks. 

Christen figures it’s best to engage with him as little as possible, and just smiles politely before she looks over at Tobin. 

The small smile vanishes quickly when she sees the storm brewing in Tobin’s expression. 

She slides her hand into Tobin’s under the table and the death grip Tobin takes on her hand combined with the look on her face honestly start to scare Christen a little bit. 

She leans in and suggests to Tobin that they head back to her house, and she just nods once and stands to put on her jacket. 

The firm set in her jaw isn’t as attractive in this situation as it normally is to Christen. 

Adam continues to provoke Tobin with thinly veiled jabs, and Christen is mostly successful in tuning him out, this is not her first time dealing with drunk assholes. 

But then he says something that causes Tobin to whip around like she’s ready to kill and Christen has to physically step in front of her and push her towards the exit. 

Tobin doesn’t even look at her before she spins back around and storms out of the bar, forcing Christen to trail behind her nervously and beyond confused. 

She finally catches up once they’re out on the street but Tobin hasn’t stopped walking and she reaches out to pull on her arm. 

“Tobin, hey slow down. What just happened in there?” She asks as gently as she can but her voice comes out sounding more timid than anything. She hates seeing Tobin like this and has no idea what to do to even start calming her down. 

She slides her hand down from Tobin’s elbow into her hand but this doesn’t feel anything like all the other times they’ve held hands. 

Tobin still won’t look at her but she lets out a frustrated huff and Christen can feel her grip flex repeatedly with all the tension she’s carrying throughout her body. 

“That guy is an asshole” Tobin finally says darkly, and her voice is so harsh and foreign that Christen wouldn’t believe it was her if she hadn’t been staring at her face waiting for an explanation. 

“Yeah I gathered that. But that still doesn’t really explain anything. Clearly you guys have a history I don’t know about”. 

“Yeah no shit we have a history Christen” she snaps. 

Christen is so shocked by her tone that she drops her hand and actually takes a step backwards. 

Tobin closes her eyes and takes several deep breaths before she speaks again. Only slightly calmer this time. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I met Adam when I got back from Europe and was not in the best shape. I He’s an asshole and drunk and knows how to press my buttons. I don’t even know why he’s here. There’s a reason I don’t hang out with him anymore.” 

Christen just nods and waits for Tobin to keep going, she’s still too thrown off and confused by her behavior to say anything back.

She starts to move closer but this time Tobin takes a step back and now Christen really has no idea what’s going on. 

“Look Christen I’m really sorry but I can’t be here, I need to go”. 

“Okay I’ll call a ride...””

“No.” Tobin cuts her off firmly. “I need to get out of here, alone. I’m sorry” and then she’s turning to walk away, leaving Christen standing on the street completely at a loss about what just happened. 

Tobin disappears into the night and Christen stands there only for a moment after watching her walk before she calls her own ride and makes her way home. 

Her mind never stops running. Questioning the entire night and her conversation with Tobin on the street over and over. 

She’s confused, and a little hurt, but mostly she’s worried. She shoots a quick text to Tobin letting her know she’s home and there for her if she wants to talk, but wants to give her the space she asked for and clearly needs right now. 

It’s only when she’s running through the night for maybe the 20th time when she registers what Adam said that finally set Tobin off.  _ “She doesn’t know does she?”  _

She and Tobin have talked about a lot, but she’s sure there’s still so much she doesn’t know. 

His comment about Tobin being a “big shot” also stands out for some reason, and Christen realizes other than her early retirement, she doesn’t actually know anything about her playing career in France. 

Curiosity gets the better of her, and she does what any curious person would do and heads to the internet. 

She tells herself it’s perfectly normal for a girlfriend to social media snoop, surprised she’s never thought to do it before, and she starts with a deep dive into Tobin’s Facebook and Instagram accounts. 

Neither really turn up anything out of the ordinary other than some hilarious pictures of Tobin in her college days. She doesn’t post a lot and when she does the captions are minimal so Christen doesn’t learn much she doesn’t already know. 

She chews on her lip for a while debating, before finally deciding to open google. She hesitates another moment, then finally clicks enter after typing in Tobin’s full name. 

She expects to see some random articles from various sports media outlets, maybe some stats and highlight videos. 

The last thing she expects when the page finishes loading is a mugshot of Tobin and a whole list of hits with the words “ **disorderly conduct** ” and “ **DUI** ” and “ **assault charges** ” in each of the various headlines. 

Her eyes scan the page and get wider by the millisecond until she realizes she has stopped breathing and slams her laptop shut. 

She sits in shock for a moment and she can hear her heartbeat in her eyes and feel it in her finger tips. _No._ _There’s no way. _

She slowly opens her laptop again, and it’s a bit like opening the refrigerator door and hoping the contents have somehow magically changed. 

But the headlines are still there. And so is the mugshot of Tobin, her sweet Tobin, staring into the camera blankly in an orange jumpsuit. 

Her stomach lurches up into her throat and all hell breaks loose in her mind. 

She scans through multiple articles hoping for some sort of explanation or that by some crazy coincidence there is another soccer playing Tobin Heath that looks eerily similar to the one she has recently given her heart over too. 

But the more she reads the more her mind swims. She feels sick. 

After about 20 minutes of spiraling, she learns that Tobin was arrested in New Jersey for assault and driving under the influence about a year after returning from France, and spent the night in jail before being released and racking up a multitude of fines and community service hours. 

The “disgraced soccer player”, as one article put it, then dropped off the radar and there’s basically been nothing written about her in the media since. 

And if Christen didn’t know what to think about Tobin’s behavior tonight before...now armed with this information, her world feels like it’s been flipped upside down. 

Tobin. Sweet, gentle, easy smile Tobin. Her Tobin. Assault and a DUI?

She couldn’t bear to look at her mugshot for more than a few 

seconds, but it was her. 

Tobin hasn’t responded to her text and at this point she’s not sure she wants her to.

She scrubs her light makeup off and gets in bed, where she tosses and turns all night and barely gets any sleep. Her mind a firestorm of thoughts. 

By the time she gives up on trying to get any meaningful rest and drags herself out of bed early Saturday morning, the shock has mostly worn off. 

And now the anger has set in. 

Tobin told her she had some money issues from credit card debt and “bad decisions”. She assumed it was a little more complicated than that, but assault and a DUI are a far cry from poor spending habits and blowing through a savings account. 

Tobin  _ lied _ . 

About something huge. 

She lied about something that Christen honestly finds a little scary. 

So when her phone finally chirps later that morning, while she’s furiously cleaning her entire apartment to channel her raging emotions and avoid her thoughts, she’s afraid to look. 

**Tobin <3:**

**Hey, I’m really sorry about last night. I promise I can explain, I just really needed to clear my head for a bit. Can I come over? I’ll bring food :)**

And now Christen is pissed. This isn’t some little misunderstanding that Tobin can just apologize for and smile away. 

She doesn’t even know where to begin with formulating a response. And so she doesn’t. 

She knows it’s immature, to just leave Tobin hanging. But Tobin literally left her standing on a street corner alone last night and now with knowing what she knows, Christen isn’t sure she wants to speak to her any time soon, let alone see her now. 

And a small part of her, even though she hates it, a small part of her is afraid to be alone with Tobin in her apartment. 

Logically she knows there must be some sort of explanation. She  _ knows _ Tobin, and how kind her heart is. 

But that doesn’t change the fact that Tobin has been charged with (and convicted of) disorderly conduct and assault charges.

Those words mean something. 

They mean that Tobin, even if somewhere deep down now, is capable of hurting someone.

So she doesn’t text Tobin back. 

She ignores her first call in the afternoon. 

She doesn’t even read the next 3 texts messages and sends her calls that evening straight to voicemail. 

She climbs into bed around 8pm feeling numb, but her horrible sleep the night before and the emotional rollercoaster of the last 24 hours cause her to pass out easily. 

She’s not entirely surprised when the buzzer from the building door downstairs rings out in her apartment the next day, and she has half a mind to ignore that too. 

But she knows she needs to face Tobin at some point. And at least now she’s both fueled and protected by her anger. 

When she opens her front door, fer face is stone cold and Tobin’s sheepish expression quickly turns to one of panic when she realizes how much trouble she’s in. 

“Hi”. She holds out a bag of what looks like Chinese food. 

Christen doesn’t respond and doesn’t take the bag from her, maintaining a safe distance. They stand right inside the entryway in a very uncomfortable silence. 

“I promise I can explain.”

“I seriously doubt that Tobin”, and she can hear the ice in her own voice. Her walls are all the way up and this time Tobin can’t charm her way out of this. 

“I know I acted like an ass last night, and I shouldn’t have left you like that. I’m really sorry, but Adam just knows how to get to me and I just needed to clear my head”. 

Christen folds her arms across her chest and just continues to stare at the woman across from her.

“Chris, I know you’re mad and I’m sorry but please tell me what you’re thinking. I don’t think Friday night justified ignoring me all weekend like this, we’re supposed to talk to each other”. 

And Christen doesn’t even try to fight her angry scoff at that. 

“Tobin you don’t want to know what’s been going on in my head and you are the last person that should be lecturing me about talking to each other.” 

And she knows Tobin has no clue what she knows. 

She still thinks this is all about Friday night. 

But Christen is feeling petty. So instead of explaining, she gives her one last chance, 

knowing Tobin won’t take it. 

“Are you sure there’s nothing else you want to say about what happened with Adam? Friday night or in the past?” She asks. 

And when Tobin just continues to look at her with that confused face, Christen turns and marches over to her laptop that she’s refused to open again all weekend. 

The google search is still loaded and she shoves the laptop into Tobin’s hands without another word. 

When Tobin finally looks down and takes in what’s on the screen, her face goes completely white. 

“ _ Credit card debt _ right Tobin?”

Tobin at least has the decency to look incredibly guilty. When she doesn't say anything Christen just gets angrier. 

“What the fuck Tobin?”

“I can explain…”

“You can explain?!??” 

“Chris please…”

“No you don’t get to talk now. That night of your photoshoot when you came to me, I asked you straight up if you had gotten in any serious trouble in the past. And you lied to my face. And then tried to make it seem like Adam was just some drunk dick when really you were trying to cover your own ass!”

Tobin doesn’t have a response to that so Christen keeps going. 

“I had to find out from a fucking google search that my girlfriend is a convicted criminal and a drunk.” 

And the way Tobin visibly recoils makes Christen briefly consider that that may have been a step too far. 

She sounds like she’s going to cry when she finally gets out “Christen I made a horrible mistake...”

But Christen is too mad, and too hurt to stop now so she cuts her off.

“A mistake?! Tobin a mistake is accidentally burning dinner or missing a birthday.”

“Christen please if you would just let me...”

“There’s no explanation or excuse you could possibly give me right now. You drove drunk and assaulted someone Tobin, that’s not okay.”

“You think I don’t know that?!?” Tobin shouts before she can control it and Christen flinches back, eyes going wide and anger giving way to her fear. 

And Tobin deflates in an instant and she looks like she just ripped her own heart out and stomped on it.

“I think you should leave now.” Christen mutters out without looking up.

“Christen…”

“Please. I want you to go.”

She hears Tobin sigh but she won’t give up that easily. 

Her voice sounds to broken when she starts talking again.

“I fucked up Christen. I know that more than anyone. And I should have told you, I hope you’ll eventually give me the chance to explain everything. And of course I’m ashamed of what I've done because I was an idiot. But more than anything, the real reason I didn’t tell you was because I didn’t want you to be afraid of me, like you were Friday night. And like you are right now.”

And that breaks her a little too. Because she  _ is _ afraid of Tobin right now. She doesn’t want to be, the Tobin she knows would never hurt anyone. But she can’t help it. 

Christen finally looks up into those pleading eyes, and she almost caves. Deep in her heart she knows Tobin probably has her very good reasons for not disclosing this part of her past. 

And that person in that mugshot can’t possibly be the Tobin she knows now. But she can’t unsee it.

The shock and and the anger and the confusion and the  _ fear _ , they’re all to fresh right now. 

“You need to go. I need some time. Before I can talk to you.”

“How much time?” Tobin asks urgently.

“I don’t know, I can’t exactly give you a timeline on processing my feelings Tobin.” And she knows its snappy but she can’t let her resolve crumble now.

Tobin takes it and just nods her resignation, reaching for the door before she turns back around, “I’m so sorry Chris.”

Christen doesn’t say anything, just stares at the floor. 

When Tobin is halfway out the door she manages out, “I’ll let you know when I’m ready to talk.”

She finally looks up at her one last time, and sees the tears brimming in Tobin’s eyes before she closes the door in her face.

She doesn’t do it to be mean. But because she knows she won’t last another second and as soon as the door is closed she breaks down and crumbles into a ball against the door.

The dogs, who stood behind Christen protectively throughout the entire interaction, walk up to her and try and crawl into her lap and lick at her face.

She realizes this is the first time she’s cried about it all weekend and the tears just won’t stop coming now that the dam has broken. She cries for what feels like hours before she takes a hot shower, shedding more tears while standing under the stream, and finally crawls into bed, and cries herself to sleep. 

One of her last thoughts before she finally slips into a black dreamless sleep, is that she is so in love with Tobin. And it all blew up before she could even tell her. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think...
> 
> lightweight spoiler but if you are worried: next chapter we will get to hear Tobin explain. i promised this would be mostly fluff so all will be well soon
> 
> and in all seriousness, i know some people reading this might be pretty young so i just want to say please please please NEVER drink and drive. not even once and not even buzzed. it's not worth it. alcohol can be all fun and games, but it's also very dangerous.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew! i think this is the longest chapter yet. it's more dialogue heavy than previous chapters and as usual i'm not completely happy with how it turned out (also only read through it like twice instead of the usual 5+ times so sorry for any mistakes), but i didn't want to keep folks waiting. hopefully it meets expectations 
> 
> so without further ado!

It takes all week. All week for Christen to even be open to being ready to talk to Tobin again. 

She doesn’t see her on Monday, tied up with her usual meetings and making herself appear even more busy than she already was during what little time she does have in between. 

And when their standing Tuesday lunch hour comes around, Christen makes sure to fill up her time with a conference call and not think about where she would normally be. 

They make eye contact once briefly on Wednesday, and Tobin quickly averts her gaze before Christen can pinpoint the expression on her face. 

She assumes Tobin is out on shoots or called in sick Thursday and Friday because she doesn’t see any trace of her at all. 

She can feel Josh’s eyes on her from across the office on more than one occasion but the rare times she looks up from her desk, she can’t quite decipher what his look means either. 

She leaves early on Friday afternoon and obviously forgoes happy hour, falling back into her old end of the week routine of curling up on the couch alone with the dogs and a large glass of wine. 

It takes all week. All week of Christen lying awake at night, thinking and crying and trying desperately to sort through her feelings. And questioning everything. 

She’d called both her sisters for advice, but that only added to her inner turmoil. 

They were like the little angel and devil characters on her shoulders, each giving contradicting advice but both still making excellent arguments on why she should or shouldn’t give Tobin another chance. 

Deep down she knows there must be more to the story. But she also can’t erase the image of Tobin’s mugshot thats been seared into her brain. 

She thinks the anger started to dissipate somewhere around Wednesday or Thursday, no matter how much she tried to hang on to it. 

And when her phone buzzes Friday evening with a text from an unknown number, she’s not as confused or surprised as she probably should be. 

Unknown:

**Hey Christen, it’s Lindsey. Tobin’s friend. I hope this doesn’t upset you, I promise she didn’t give me your number or ask me to do this at all. I swiped your number from her phone when she wasn’t looking. **

**Let me start by saying this isn’t meant to pressure you at all, and I’ll understand if the answer is no or if you don’t even respond. I know might be overstepping slightly, but I was wondering if you would be willing to grab lunch with me or something tomorrow. There’s just some things I think you should hear. **

**Let me know, and hope you’re okay. **

It’s very vague, and she definitely momentarily considers just swiping to delete the message thread. 

But something about how Lindsey went out of her way to craft this message, and be so impartial about it, makes Christen pause. 

She’s not sure she’s ready to face Tobin yet, but maybe hearing from Lindsey will help her navigate how to move forward. 

She doesn’t really have anything to lose. 

So she responds and they make plans to meet up for coffee. 

  


She’s only a few minutes late and Lindsey is already sitting in a mostly empty back corner of the cafe with two cups of coffee waiting when she walks in.

She tells herself one last time to go into this with zero expectations, she’s here to listen and maybe ask some questions, and then she slides into the seat across from her. 

It’s awkward at first, they’ve literally only met once. 

“How are you holding up?” Is the first thing Lindsey asks after they exchange polite greetings and Christen is admittedly a little taken aback at the question. Lindsey is Tobin’s friend, not hers. Yet she still cares enough to ask how she is before launching into whatever is it that she invited Christen here to say. 

Christen puffs her cheeks out with air and lets it out slowly, not really sure how to answer. That’s partially why she is here.

“I don’t even know honestly. Shocked still. A little angry. Hurt that she didn’t tell me. But mostly… I’m confused.”

Lindsey just nods. “Did Tobin ever tell you we were teammates in France?”

She’s not sure what that has to do with anything, but again, no expectations she reminds herself. 

“I wasn’t sure how she knew you guys but figured you’d played together at some point.”

“I went to play over there when I was just 18. I didn’t speak a word of French and didn’t know a single soul. I’ll spare you the details, but Tobin is the only reason I survived my first year, she had my back through everything. She’s like a big sister to me. I promise I didn’t ask you here to try and convince you to forgive Tobin right now or persuade you in any way. Tobin would kill me if she even knew about this, but I love her. And even though she’s older than me, sometimes she needs someone to have her back too.”

Christen takes another sip of coffee so she doesn’t have to verbally respond, and nods to let Lindsey know it’s okay to keep going. 

“It’s not my place to tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel about all of this and how Tobin handled it either. But Christen, whatever horrible scary image you’ve created of her in your head now, that’s not her. I can’t tell you exactly what happened back then, you should hear that from Tobin and I hope you’ll hear her out whenever you’re ready. But trust me, she’s not that person anymore. She never really was. The amazing, kind, and caring version that you know, that is the real Tobin.”

She pauses to give Christen a moment to digest what she’s said, and Christen definitely takes her time to let the words set in. 

And when they do, Christen realizes they were the words she had been hoping for and needed to hear all along. 

For the last week she’s been wrestling with the version of Tobin she knows (and loves), and the version who’s name is plastered all over the headlines, unable to reconcile the two. 

A single tear slides down her cheek and Lindsey sees it before she can wipe it away. 

Instead of actually responding to what Lindsey said, “How is she?” is the question that comes out. 

Lindsey looks up and ceiling muttering “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask me that”, more to herself than anything. She takes in a big sigh before she looks back at Christen. “She’s a mess.”

Another tear slips down Christen’s cheek, “Yeah. Me too.” And it’s a confession she wasn’t really ready for but is true nonetheless. She is a mess, has been all week. And she misses Tobin. 

“You should really talk to her and give her a chance to explain. She’s not perfect and I’m not excusing her past or the fact that she didn’t tell you, but we all have a history.”

Christen just nods and wipes her face quickly again. 

“Thanks for this Lindsey. I’m not even sure what I expected you to say, but I think I just needed someone who knows her to tell me I wasn’t crazy for still wanting to be with her”. 

It’s amazing really, how Lindsey’s short little speech was all it took for Christen’s nerves that have been on edge since they arrived at the bar last friday, to finally start to settle again.

Just that extra little bit of reassurance that Tobin is the person she thought she was. That she wasn’t completely wrong about the person who now held her heart and didn’t even know it.

The rest of their coffee meeting is pleasant after that. They get to know each other a little better, talk about soccer of course, and Lindsey’s career and time in France, and by the end when they stand to hug and say goodbye, Christen lets Lindsey know that she’ll text Tobin soon.

She ends up texting Tobin later that evening, unable to sit in her apartment and agonize with her thoughts any longer. 

**I think I’m ready to talk. Do you want to come over?**

Tobin is knocking on her door not much later, wasting no time making the trek from Brooklyn.

“Hi” she says timidly, unsure how to proceed once Christen has let her in the door. 

“Hey” Christen responds just as softly as she leads her into the small living room.

They sit at opposite ends of the couch and things have never been this tense between them.

Christen hates it. 

She knows Tobin is walking on egg shells and doesn’t know how to start, and even though it’s on Tobin to explain everything, the silence is killing her. 

“I had coffee with Lindsey this morning” she blurts out.

Tobin’s gaze snaps to her at that, but she still doesn’t say anything.

“It was good, she helped reassure me on some things. And like I said I’m ready to talk, but more importantly I’m ready to listen. If you’re ready to explain.”

Tobin nods and takes a minute to get her words together, in that way she does.

“I should start by saying I’m sorry again, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you and for how I acted that night. That’s not who I am anymore and…”

“I know that Tobin. I know that now, and we can come back to why you chose not to tell me but please explain what happened. Because seeing those headlines and that mugshot of you honestly kind of killed me inside and I need to know what happened and why you did it before we go any further.”

“Okay, okay yeah. Sorry it’s just still hard to talk about.” She takes another moment and a deep breath when Christen is silent in return, waiting for her to get on with it.

“I told you when I got back from France, I wasn't in a good place mentally and emotionally. But really that’s a huge understatement. I was so, so angry. At the trainers, at the team I was playing against when I got hurt, at myself, at the world. The kind of anger that seeps into your bones, it took over my every thought. I was a nightmare to be around, and I went down a really dark path for a while. I was a complete shit show. Partying, drinking, getting kicked out of bars. I blew through what little money I had left and would play up my status or whatever as a pro soccer player to get drinks and pick up women, then take them back to fancy hotel rooms in the city. I was an asshole, and surrounded myself with other assholes who let me act like that.”

“Adam.”

“Yeah, Adam was one of them. At that point all my real friends were worried about me and basically cut me off, not wanting to enable how I was acting and who I was becoming. They tried to help at first but I didn’t care. About anything.”

It’s hard to hear, and she still can’t picture Tobin as that person. She doesn’t want to. 

“One night, things got a little more out of hand than usual. We had already been kicked out of one bar, Adam and some of the other guys were being extra douchey that night and blamed me for it. And it probably was my fault, I don’t even remember. I think Josh tried to keep the peace, but he was wasted too and things just spiraled. They kept going on and on about how I couldn’t pick up a girl that night and got them kicked out. And it was getting to me and I was drunk off my ass and just so so angry...”

She pauses, and her eyes are so dull and glazed, she looks like she’s in a completely different place and time right now. Transported back to that night against her will. 

“One of them said something about how any _ real _ woman wouldn’t be interested in some failed lesbian soccer player anyway and I just lost it. This wasn’t the first time they’d made comments about my sexuality either and I snapped. I tackled his sorry ass to the ground and got in a few good hits before Josh pulled me off. I ended up at another bar alone, then somehow in my car driving to my parents house in Jersey,” and then her voice starts to crack. 

Christen wants to reach out and offer some sort of comfort, but something stops her. Everything Tobin has said so far makes sense, but she can tell she isn’t done. 

Once Tobin has composed herself again she keeps going.

“I got pulled over, and you can figure out the rest. Adam and his friends had already filed a report with the police, and even though Josh tried to vouch for me there were too many witnesses and I got pinned on the assault charges too. It was dumb, so dumb. At the time it felt like he deserved it for the things he was saying, and part of me still thinks that. But that doesn’t matter, because I still had to pay for my actions. I’ve never been a violent person, that was the first and only time I’ve even hit someone. And now it’s on my record forever.”

Now that she has the full story, she can see how it was all just a series of really unfortunate events that happened when Tobin was at her lowest. She’s not the first and won’t be the last person to do some really dumb shit when and angry and drunk and provoked. 

But that doesn’t explain how she was stupid enough to drive that night.

“Why did you get behind the wheel though Tobin?”

And at this Tobin breaks. The tears start streaming down her face and she can’t wipe them away fast enough, despite how strong she’s trying to be. 

“That’s the part I hate the most. I don’t know, I barely even remember it. And honestly I’m so thankful I got pulled over. Because when I think about what could have happened, what I could have done…”

She cuts herself off and puts her head in her hands to hide her face as she starts to sob.

And now Christen can’t take it. She slides across the couch and pulls Tobin into a hug and lets her cry into her lap. 

This was not how she saw this conversation going. She didn’t expect to be the one doing the comforting. But something about how Tobin’s tears that just won’t stop, and how genuinely broken up and ashamed she is, pulls at Christen’s heart strings. She’s never even seen Tobin really cry.

When she’s finally calmed down a little, Christen takes the chance to whisper out what’s really still bothering her. The part that has been the hardest for her to understand since she found out.

“You should have told me.”

“I know, I know and I’m so sorry” Tobin says immediately.

“Why didn’t you? I know it would have been hard and probably still sucked for me to hear. But coming from you would have been a hell of a lot easier than learning about it from the internet Tobin. Do you know how much that hurt me? How much it _ scared _ me?” she can’t help but let a little of her previous anger back in. 

“I know, and I’m sorry. And I know I keep saying that but it’s true. I should have told you. But I finally felt like I’d put it all behind me and everything was going so well. I had this amazing woman and I didn’t want…” she stops. Like this is the part she’s most afraid to admit.

“You didn’t want what?”

Tobin doesn’t really answer her question, but she doesn’t need to. Christen knows what she means when she says “I saw how you looked at me that night Chris, and even more so after you found out.”

She doesn’t even try to deny it. 

“The DUI was my breaking point. Once it hit me, once I realized how badly I could have been hurt, or hurt someone else, I knew I couldn’t keep going like that. My family was pissed and barely speaking to me, my friends wanted nothing to do with me. There was literally only one person who stuck by me and still tried to help.”

And then it dawns on Christen why Lindsey went out of her way to reach out. 

“That’s why Lindsey asked to meet me.”

“She’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had. She went with me to my first therapy appointment, and helped me get back on good terms with my family. She helped save me.”

There’s a lull in the conversation and Christen takes it as an opportunity to let everything sink in. Now that she knows Tobin’s side, she thinks she gets it.

She leans back to really look at Tobin, and for the first time in over a week she takes comfort again in those honey brown eyes. And she can still see the pain and the shame and regret. 

So Tobin has a past, but like Lindsey said, everyone does. She can’t hold it against her forever. Especially when she didn’t even know Tobin back then, and _ especially _ when she’s sitting next to her now looking so raw and open and absolutely distraught over what she’s done. 

She reaches out to grab Tobin by the back of the neck and brings their foreheads to rest against each other. 

After a moment of just breathing each other in, she leans in and presses the softest kiss to Tobin’s lips. 

She pours all her emotions and frustration and confusion and fear into the kiss. And then she let’s it all go. And it feels like coming up for air. 

“I’m sorry too” she whispers into the space between their lips after they break apart. 

Tobin pulls back and looks at her shocked. “What could you possibly be sorry for?”

“For shutting you out for a week. For not giving you a chance to explain right away. For jumping to conclusions about who you might be based off a google search, instead of what I actually know and feel in my heart.”

“I get it Chris, I probably would have flipped too. And you’re right, you gave me more than once chance to tell you. But I was so scared. Scared of what you’d think or that you’d lea..” and her breath hitches again. 

And now Christen definitely gets it. There are things from her past she hasn’t shared yet with Tobin either, afraid of how she would view her. And even though she doesn’t think the things she’s done are on nearly the same level, she knows she’s been slightly hypocritical. 

“Shhh...it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere” and she presses their lips together again. This time their tears mix together on their cheeks.

They just sit together in silence for a moment, letting everything from the last 8 days wash over them.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to scare you away but by trying to keep it from you I ended up doing even more damage. And almost lost you.” 

“You aren’t going to lose me. Yeah I was hurt and mad, but I know you Tobin. I know who you are. You’re so kind, and so funny, and you care about people so much. You take such good care of me. Being with you is everything I could have ever dreamed of. And I think the reason I reacted so strongly and freaked was because I was worried that it meant all this might be just a dream. That’s what scared me most, not you.”

She shushes Tobin before she can interrupt. “But I get it now. As much as I wish you had, I understand why you didn’t tell me. It can’t be easy carrying that around, let alone telling your new girlfriend about it.”

“I still should have.”

“It’s okay, it’s in the past now. We’re okay.”

The relief that washes over Tobin’s face at those words is sort of heartbreaking in a way. 

“But don’t ever lie to me again” she says as firmly as she can manage, but a small smile still finds its way to her lips.

“I won’t. Ever. I promise there’s nothing else I’m deliberately keeping from you and will tell you anything you ask,” Tobin says, and she’s so serious that Christen can’t help but kiss her again.

“Good, I missed you.”

And she’s _ really _ missed that smile those words cause to spread across Tobin’s face. 

Now it’s Tobin’s turn to pull her into a hug, and they take a few moments to just be in each other’s arms again before Christen breaks it.

“Will you tell me about how you were able to get past everything? I know you aren’t that person anymore, but how did you get to be this amazing person? It’s still hard for me to wrap my head around that ever being you. You mentioned therapy?”

So Tobin explains how she started seeing a therapist regularly to work through her issues and still sees her once a month to check in. Turns out she didn’t have a problem with alcohol, but with depression that took the form of anger and outbursts when she drank heavily. She stopped drinking completely for a while, got on medication until she felt more like herself, and it’s why she still only has a couple beers when she goes out.

Tobin explains how she was fired from the school portrait job after she was arrested, but got her first paid gig as a freelance photographer a week after her first therapy appointment and took it as a sign. 

She was able to repair all her relationships slowly, and completely severed ties with Adam and the other guys. She and Josh stayed in contact, and Josh had apologized repeatedly for inviting Adam last week, saying he’d thought that he’d changed but was proven wrong and was no longer friends with him now either.

She apologizes again for storming off after happy hour, but explains that one of the tactics and plans she’d come up with her therapist was to completely remove herself from any situation that felt triggering.

She also tells Christen about how she still sometimes has other minor setbacks, where she falls back to those past feelings of worthlessness and frustration at the world. And the last time it happened was the day her photoshoot fell apart and she ended up on Christen’s doorstep.

They talk for what feels like hours, about how they felt over the last week, how they worked through (or in Christen’s case struggled to work through) their feelings. And how much they missed each other. 

It feels healing, and by the time they move to the bedroom (Christen having to convince Tobin that she wanted her to stay over) Christen has a feeling that despite the unfortunate way it all unfolded, this may have brought them even closer together. 

They are laying in bed facing each other on a shared pillow when Christen finally works up the courage to ask another question she had been too nervous to ask before. 

“I have to ask...did you ever try anything harder than alcohol?”

Tobin sighs and looks slightly ashamed again but answers honestly. “Yeah, once or twice. But I didn’t really like it. And I think even then deep down I knew, or was hoping, someone or something would pull me out of that hole. And if I got into drugs it would be a lot harder.”

It’s silent for a moment after that before Tobin adds, “I actually started smoking pot at the recommendation of my therapist” 

Christen laughs at that for some reason, not quite believing her. 

“I’m serious!” and now Tobin is giggling a little bit too. “I’d smoked a few times in college but never really got into it. I thought it was weird too, but my she’s kind of a hippy and and just suggested it as another option. Turns out it really helped to chill me out and relax. I don’t do it much anymore, but it helped with my depression at the time.” 

Christen gets serious all of a sudden and Tobin starts to panic. “Is that okay with you? I won’t ever smoke around you if you aren’t cool with it.”

“No no, it's not that, I don’t care about that. It’s just...” 

Tobin waits patiently for her to continue. 

“We’ve talked a lot about your past tonight, and the truth is there’s some things about me I’d rather leave behind too. There’s some stuff you should probably know, even if I’d rather you not” 

“Chris you don’t have to tell me if you don't”

“Yes I do” she cuts Tobin off. “I do, I don’t want to be a hypocrite and it’s only fair that I’m completely honest too. Especially if you ever meet any of my or college friends.”

Tobin’s brown furrow even deeper at that. 

“As you know, college was kind of a rough time for me. My anxiety and insecurity were getting out of control and I didn’t always channel it in the best ways.”

And now Tobin looks even more confused and worried.

“I got in the bad habit of using sex as a distraction. It was always safe and consensual, but you know how it is. It’s all fine and dandy if a man wants to sleep around, but god forbid a woman enjoy casual sex” she starts ranting and Tobin can’t help her smirk. 

Christen lightly smacks Tobin’s shoulder when she sees it. “I’m serious Tobin!”

“Christen, are you telling me that you slept around in college? The _ horror_! No one has ever done that before.” 

She relaxes a bit and lets out a laugh at Tobin’s clear sarcasm, glad she’s not upset. But she wants her to understand fully. “I kind of developed a not so great reputation, being on the soccer team people talked. And then that caused even more anxiety and it just became this whole cycle. I’m over it now, but my friends still like to tease me sometimes so I just wanted you to know, for when you meet them”

Tobin’s smug grin takes over her entire face. “You want me to meet your college friends?”

“That’s seriously all you took from that?” She feels like Tobin should be more upset about this, particularly because of how Christen reacted to finding out about the skeletons in Tobin’s closet.

“Chris, come on. We just spent the entire night talking about what a complete mess of a person I used to be, including picking up women in bars and fucking them in hotel rooms before sneaking out the next morning. I got a DUI and punched a guy in the face. I don’t care who you slept with in college, or what people thought about it back then. People talk shit, it’s whatever. As long as you were always safe and okay with what was happening, that’s all that matters to me. I have no right or reason to be upset”.

Christen crashes their lips together and wastes no time slipping her tongue into the other woman’s mouth. Damn has she's missed kissing Tobin, even if it was only a week apart.

She wants to tell her she loves her, but it still doesn’t feel like the right time. She doesn’t want the first time they say it to be tainted by all the other shit they’ve dealt with and talked about today. 

So she waits, she can wait a little bit longer. 

Tobin eventually pulls back to mutter, “I mean, I won't lie. Thinking about you with other people kind of sucks, but you’re mine now.”

And Christen can read between the lies. She knows Tobin is trying to make light of the situation and play up the possessiveness dynamic that they’ve started to explore, but she’s also still feeling a little insecure. 

“Don’t worry babe, it’s just you. You’re the only one I want”, and it comes out a lot breathier and more serious than she intended. 

And again she has to fight against those words slipping out. She thinks she can see Tobin fighting too, so leans back in to stop them both. 

Tobin pulls back quickly and she can almost see the words on the tip of her tongue, so she shakes her head and says “not yet, not like this.” 

Tobin resigns and nods in return, laying back on the bed as Christen moves to hover over her and says against her lips, “let me show you. Let me show you that I’m just yours.” 

And she does. Over and over again all night.

And when she wakes up Sunday morning in Tobin’s arms again, everything feels right. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first and foremost: if you or anyone you know is struggling with alcohol/drugs/depression/anxiety please seek out help! teachers, parents, other friends, the internet, or even send me a message on tumblr (pressedbean24) and i will try and find resources for you.
> 
> we all go through hard times and make mistakes. i wanted to show that Tobin's past might be a little checkered but she's not a bad person and isn't any less deserving of forgiveness and love because of it. 
> 
> i seriously can't thank you guys enough for the comments and kudos so please let me know what you think! how do we think they both handled it? anything else you wanted to see or want to see in the future? 
> 
> you can also just come say hi or shoot me ideas on tumblr :) i promise i'm nice


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends, it's been a looooong while. I'm so sorry. i'll save all my personal reasons and thoughts on the current state of America for the end notes. 
> 
> When I posted the very first chapter of this story, with no idea where it was going at the time, I wrote in the summary "Mostly fluff because there is enough bad shit in the world right now."
> 
> And WOW did 2020 really keep the bad shit coming. So here's more fluff. Also those that asked for more possessive/dominant Tobin moments, you're welcome. 
> 
> The song featured in this chapter is "Breathless" by I M U R and is the song that initially inspired this fic (and the title) in the first place. HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend listening to it when the scene comes, you'll know when. 
> 
> also shout out to any Wayhaught fans out there, you should recognize it hehehe. 
> 
> Hope everyone is staying safe and doing doing their part to dismantle white supremacy and the patriarchy :)

Their flight to LA lands early Thursday morning and both Christen’s sisters insist on meeting them at the airport to pick them up. And not just curbside pick up, they actually paid the LAX short term parking prices so they could come inside and wait at baggage claim, complete with an embarrassing welcome home sign. 

Christen thought she would be nervous, she knows her sisters can be kind of a lot, and the three of them together can be quite the dynamic, she doesn’t want to overwhelm Tobin. 

But the minute Tobin hits them with that blinding smile of hers and they get through introductions while waiting for their bags, all Christen’s worry fades away.

Tyler and Tobin immediately fall into easy conversation about the flight and Tobin’s photoshoot over the next couple days. 

When their small checked bags come around Tobin effortlessly lifts them both off the conveyor belt and starts pulling them behind her without missing a beat. Channing just links arms with Christen and smiles knowingly at her as they follow the other two back towards the car.

The ride to the airbnb flies by even in LA traffic, and it almost feels like Tobin and her sisters have already known each other for years. They’d “met” briefly on a few occasions through Facetime, but it still warms Christen’s chest how easily they all fall into sync in person. 

She never even needed to be worried in the first place.

They drop their bags off at the airbnb and take a moment to poke around the small open plan studio and take in the view, but Tobin is on a tight schedule, and the client has arranged for a driver to pick Tobin up and take her to the shoot location, forcing her to part with the sisters sooner than any of them would like.

The trio heads back to their family home so Christen can visit with her dad and maybe get some work and editing done out in the yard under the sun. 

Hours go by and Christen has hardly been productive, too busy catching up and reminiscing with her family, when she finally gets an update from Tobin; the shoot is going great but will probably go a lot later than originally expected due to a change in the schedule for the weekend. 

They agree to just meet back at the airbnb later that night, and Christen lets her family know Tobin unfortunately won’t be joining them for dinner. 

So of course Tyler takes this as an opportunity to get as much in person teasing in as possible. 

_ “Come on Chris, it’s my job as the older sister!” _

But instead of rolling her eyes in annoyance or even being embarrassed, dinner turns into a full on _ gush _ session and Christen doesn’t even realize she’s gushing until she looks up and sees all three faces of her family members smiling back at her. 

She blushes into her glass of wine as she gulps down what's remaining, but then her dad says softly “I can’t wait to meet her baby”, and Christen still can’t find it in herself to be remotely embarrassed at all. She happily accepts a refill and stops fighting the losing battle against the smitten grin she knows has already taken over her face.

\-----------------

It’s late when she finally makes it back to the airbnb that night (in her dad’s BMW convertible he insisted she borrow for the weekend), and Tobin is already in bed with her laptop and glasses perched on her nose. 

Her face lights up and she moves her laptop to the bedside table, but she doesn’t have a chance to say anything as Christen marches right up to the bed, sits at the edge, and pulls Tobin into a bruising kiss. 

When they finally separate for air, Christen pulls back to look at Tobin’s dopey smile as Tobin slowly opens her beautiful sleepy eyes. 

“Hi”.

“Hi.” 

They smile dumbly at each other for a minute before Christen blushes and breaks the trance. 

“Sorry, I just spent all evening literally gushing like a schoolgirl about you to my family, and you waited up for me and you look so cute in your glasses and…. I’ve just really wanted to do that all day”. It starts off as a bashful rambling confession, but finishes in a dreamy sigh and ends up being a much deeper admission than Christen intended. 

“Trust me babe, you _ never _ have to apologize for that.” 

And at the look in Tobin’s eyes, Christen can’t help but lean back in and capture her lips again.

She stops them before things get too out of control, “let me take a quick shower and I’ll be right back to join you”. She leaves Tobin behind in bed with a wink, but she knows her girl has had a long day and must be tired.

That is only confirmed when she comes back to the room after a relatively short shower, especially for her, and finds Tobin passed out in bed with the light on and her glasses still on her face.

She laughs quietly to herself at how fucking _ adorable _Tobin looks, before she gently slides the glasses off her nose and leans over her to set them on the dresser and turn out the light. When she settles back down, Tobin instinctively adjusts her body, without ever waking up, and they melt into each other like they were perfectly made to fall asleep just like this.

It’s only a few moments of listening to Tobin’s soft rhythmic breathing before Christen feels the exhaustion of the travel (and 3 glasses of wine with her sisters) start to overtake her too. 

\-----------------

  
  


When Christen wakes up the next morning, the sun is higher in the sky than she’s experienced in a while, and she’s surprised not to find Tobin in bed next to her. 

She’s _ always _ the first one awake and up. And she knew Tobin had an early day today, but she can’t believe she didn’t even stir when Tobin was getting ready. She must have been more worn out than she realized. 

That’s when she notices the folded note on the bedside table next to her phone, a page ripped from the small journal Tobin always carries in her camera bag.

_ Morning babe, sorry I didn’t wake you to say bye but you looked too peaceful and beautiful to disturb. I had to get an early start but there’s coffee in the kitchen and some fruit in the fridge. I hope you feel rested whenever you wake up, and text me when you do. I can’t wait to see you this evening, hope you have a great day with your sisters _

  * _T <3_

  
  


It’s the simplest note, but the fact that Tobin chose to hand write it instead of just sending her a text to wake up to, takes her right back to the first time Tobin bought her that deli sandwich for lunch at work and left it on her desk with a post-it note. 

And the smile that spreads across her face is nothing compared to the warmth that spreads throughout her chest. 

She goes about her morning routine before meeting up with her sisters again for lunch and an afternoon hike along the cliffs overlooking the pacific. 

It’s a perfect sunny fall day in Southern California, the air is warm and slightly salty, and she realizes how much she’s missed this. 

She’s hopeless to stop the daydream of one day doing this with Tobin and the dogs, the four of them going on weekend hikes and sunset beach walks, maybe finally getting to watch Tobin surf. 

  
  


\-----------------

  
  


The view from the airbnb balcony is incredible. They are a few blocks away from the beach, but the condo they are staying in is high up enough to provide a gorgeous view of the dark blue ocean waters. She stands along the rail and looks out into the night, the stars barely visible thanks to the LA light pollution but she knows they are there.

She breathes in the fresh breeze as Tobin takes a shower, and the peace she feels at being near the pacific ocean again washes over her slowly with each inhale.

After a few minutes she hears the sliding door open behind her, and then two strong arms wrap around her waist from behind. She feels Tobin press her entire body up against her and she happily leans back into the contact with a sigh.

They’d spent half of dinner talking about how Tobin’s shoot had gone the last two days, and really neither of them want to talk about work right now, so they just enjoy the quiet before she finally turns around in Tobin’s arms and leans in to press her lips to Tobin’s waiting small smile.

Tobin never loosens her grip, and Christen just knows that being in her arms is the best feeling in the world. 

“I’m so glad you’re here with me,” she whispers into the night. Christen just smiles and kisses her again in lieu of a response. She hopes Tobin understands just how happy she is to be here with her too.

She presses her head into Tobin’s chest and takes in the moment for a little longer.

“I know I already said this, but my family loves you already, especially my dad. And that means a lot to me”. Tobin sports a bashful but also slightly cocky smile, but she doesn’t say anything in return.

Dinner with the family had gone amazingly. Tobin was thoughtful and charming and sweet and funny and all the things Christen already knows her to be. 

“I also think Tyler might have a crush on you,” Christen adds on after a moment of silence. 

She means it as a joke, trying to get a laugh out of Tobin. And she succeeds in getting a small one, but then Tobin surprises her by going completely serious and kissing her again like her life depends on it. 

Neither says anything else as Tobin finally lets go, only to grab both her hands and pull her back into the bedroom.

It’s late, and they are both tired from the day. But that doesn’t stop them from falling into the sheets under the California moonlight until their bodies finally give in to the exhaustion.

\-----------------

  
  


Tobin only has to meet with the designer for a few hours on Saturday morning to discuss some details and review the raw photos from the previous day's shoots. 

Christen makes a run to the store so they can cook dinner together in the evening, and uses the rest of the morning to catch up on some work things.

  
  


Tobin gets back to the airbnb around noon, and they decide to take full advantage of the beautiful afternoon and free time together. They grab lunch from a taco truck near the beach, and spend the rest of the day in the sand. Just lounging in the sun, people watching, walking hand in hand along the shoreline, and taking in the salty beach air. 

The California coastal waters are always pretty chilly year round even in L.A., but it’s been a hot summer and fall so the ocean is warm enough for them to take a quick refreshing dip after laying out for a while. 

They stay at the beach until the sun just starts to dip, and Tobin starts to complain she’s getting hungry. 

  
  


They cook a quick and simple shrimp scampi together back at the condo, laughing and stealing sweet kisses the entire time.

While Christen turns off the stove burner and moves to plate their food, Tobin uncaps 2 bottles of pineapple hard cider for them to enjoy with dinner.

And as soon as she sets them down Christen pushes them a safe distance away from the counter edge, before pressing Tobin’s back against that same counter and capturing her lips in a long, deep kiss. She runs her hands all over Tobin’s firm abs and chest, up to her collarbones and back down. 

Just as Tobin gets completely lost in the kiss, just as Tobin pushes forward ready to take things even deeper, just as she swipes her tongue gently along Christen’s lower lip, the other woman pulls away abruptly with a slight smirk and turns her attention back to mixing the salad she threw together as a side dish. 

It takes a moment for Tobin to focus her eyes again, and then she reaches for her cider to quench her sudden thirst. 

“No fair, you did that on purpose”, she says with a pout when she can form words again. 

Christen looks over her shoulder and gives her a sassy little shrug that Tobin has secretly come to love, but doesn’t deny it. 

Tobin let’s her eyes trail down Christen’s backside as she stands facing the opposite counter still pretending to mix the contents of the salad bowl, and she stares without shame. _ Two can play this game. _

She walks up behind Christen, wrapping her arms low around her waist, and places her lips on the back of Christen’s neck softly.

Well, softly at first. 

It’s not long before she moves her mouth to the space where Christen’s neck curves down into her shoulder, and then she’s sinking her teeth firmly but not painfully into the skin. She feels Christen’s body tense and hears the softest moan leave her lips.

She soothes the spot with her tongue, and then moves right next to Christen’s ear to whisper, “you know you were driving me absolutely crazy in that bikini today”, and then nips her earlobe with her teeth.

Christen turns around to face Tobin with a sly smile, like that was her goal all along, “oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah, I couldn’t take my eyes off your ass alllll day.” She slowly moves one of hands down to Christen’s perfectly toned yet still soft backside, and gives a gentle squeeze. 

They play a brief game of chicken with their eyes, neither of them willing to break first. 

Their lips are centimeters apart, the electric charge between them almost palpable in the air. 

And then Tobin’s hold goes from gentle squeezing and teasing, to a strong, open palm, full handful grab of her ass cheek. Her fingertips dig into the muscle hard enough to leave red prints Christen is certain. 

It’s powerful and possessive, and seconds later her other hand comes up to wrap assertively around Christen’s throat, and there is no stopping the moan from escaping from deep within her. 

Eyes boring into Christen’s the entire time, Tobin tightens her fingers slightly on either side, just enough for Christen to feel slightly out of control. 

They’ve tried it a few times in bed, and they both know it drives Christen a little wild. But trying this type of display outside of the bedroom is something new, and Christen feels white hot heat shoot right down between her legs. 

Her knees may even go a little weak, making her that much more aware of Tobin’s firm grasp and strong hands on her body. 

She tries to lean forward to finally close the distance between their lips, but Tobin’s hand on her neck holds her back with the most delightful amount of dominance. 

It’s only been a few seconds but her body is so hot she feels like Tobin’s hands have been lighting her on fire with her touch for hours.

Christen thinks her eyes might briefly roll back into her head. 

And next thing she knows, just as quickly as she had done to her, Tobin’s hands vanish and when she opens her eyes, Tobin is already grabbing the salad bowl and cider bottles to carry them out to the balcony throwing a devilish smirk over her shoulder as she goes. 

“Come on babe, grab the plates, the food is going to get cold!” 

And Christen is left standing there fanning herself with her hand, trying to catch her breath before she joins her girlfriend on the balcony. 

\-----------------

They eat mostly in silence together, the air still a little thick between them.

One of Tobin’s “chill” playlists coming softly through the bluetooth speakers as they watch the sky change colors over the Pacific. 

At one point as she’s wrapping up her meal, Christen looks across the table to find Tobin with her elbow on the table and hand supporting her head, already looking back at her. 

Tobin doesn’t avert her eyes, she’s barely even smiling. The eye contact is so heavy, Christen should maybe feel uncomfortable under the other woman’s penetrating stare. 

She doesn’t though.

Instead Christen thinks she wants Tobin to look at her like this always, possibly even forever. 

Her eyes are warm, and kind, and safe, and so so beautiful. But also dark. 

When Tobin does finally crack a small smile and look back towards the sunset, Christen uses this as her chance to stare back.

She takes in the way the light dances off Tobin’s honey golden eyes, her perfectly tanned skin, that jawline she already loves so much.

There’s that word again. _ Love _.

She’s snapped out of her thoughts when Tobin says in a low deep voice, “mmm, this song always makes me think of you” and turns up the volume of the music from her phone. 

Tobin’s eyes are even more piercing now and she bites her lip in a way that immediately makes Christen grow hot again.

Christen doesn’t say anything, just listens to the slow crackling intro of the song. 

Tobin stands and pulls Christen from her chair, leading her over to lean against the balcony rail, pressing her front into Christen’s backside. 

The bass kicks in and a sultry voice starts singing, and _ oh _. 

** _It's been awhile since I felt this way_ **

** _It's been awhile since I've felt_ **

** _You got this way about you, you got this way about you, you got this way about you_ **

** _You, you make me melt_ **

_ Okay yeah, this song is hot _ is the first though Christen is able to fully process. She tries to focus on the lyrics as their bodies start to sway slightly together with the melody. 

** _Those eyes are greener than the trees that give me oxygen to breathe_ **

** _Yet leave me breathless_ **

** _You make me feel a way inside that reminds me of the tide_ **

** _Swept awaaaayyyy_ **

Then the bass drops, and she feels both the weight of the music and the heat of Tobin’s breath by her ear all the way down to her toes. 

** _My blood is pumping heart is thumping_ **

** _Is this all a dream?_ **

** _Our bodies bumping hips are jumping_ **

** _Is this all a dream?_ **

Tobin ever so slightly starts to roll her hips into her from behind, and Christen feels the motion along with the now warping music in every single nerve in her body. 

She spins around, ready to pull Tobin into a kiss. But when she manages to spin in Tobin’s arms, she’s met with a devilish, teasing, downright tantalizing smirk. And Tobin leans back just out of reach _ (again) _, and continues to move their bodies slowly. 

She presses their foreheads together but still won’t close the distance. 

** _Like the smoke from my puff, I don't mind if you hang around_ **

Tobin for her part keeps her focus solely on Christen’s mouth, biting her own lip in a way that almost sets Christen’s insides ablaze.

**Though when it clears I must admit I feel turned around and around and around**

Christen wonders if she might combust at this point. She has never experienced anything so...sensual. 

_ **I** **'m self proclaimed damaged goods babe** _

_ **I'm not looking to leave that fire** _

This is a form of torture, right? Why won’t Tobin fucking kiss her? 

** _So come with the green and in more ways than one,_ **

** _ I can take you hiiiiigher_ **

She can’t take it anymore, she finally crashes her lips into Tobin’s and pulls her body in even closer. She wastes no time in swiping her tongue alongs Tobin’s lips, and she opens her mouth eagerly in return. 

** _My blood is pumping heart is thumping_ **

** _Is this all a dream?_ **

The kiss is wet, and hot, and _ dirty _. 

** _Our bodies bumping hips are jumping_ **

** _Is this all a dream?_ **

Their mouths and tongues stay connected as the music slows down and starts to fade out. At some point Tobin must register it’s almost over, and she pulls back to look at Christen.

Tobin’s eyes are glazed over and her pupils blown, her lips are perfectly swollen, her cheeks slightly red, and Christen thinks she’s never seen anyone or anything so sexy in her entire existence.

Tobin slowly, torturously, runs her fingertips along Christen’s collarbone, and then back up towards her neck again, her dark eyes following her own hands movements. 

And that’s all it takes for Christen to literally push her backwards inside and drag her straight towards the bed, barely managing to close the screen door to the balcony behind her. She can’t be bothered with closing and locking the actual sliding door, she refuses to separate from Tobin’s mouth for that long. 

The next song on the playlist starts playing through the speakers from the open balcony door, but neither of them would be able to tell you what song it was, too lost in each other’s bodies for the next few hours. 

\-----------------

They wake up together slowly the next morning, wrapped in each other's arms and breaths mixing together in the small space between them on the pillow they fell asleep sharing. 

The sliding door is still open, the fresh ocean breeze floats in through the screen door.

Tobin’s eyes are somehow both sleepy and bright. 

Her arms loosely draped around her back, yet perfectly snug and secure. 

They lay in silence for a while, just smiling softly at each other and enjoying this feeling.

It feels like peace. It feels like joy. It feels like safety. 

It feels like love.

Tobin must feel it too, because she gently moves closer to press her lips to Christen’s, morning breath be damned.

When she pulls back and Christen looks back into her favorite eyes, she knows Tobin feels it too.

So she’s not entirely surprised when Tobin breaks the quiet to whisper out, “can I say it now?”

Christen just nods her head against the pillow and tries to contain her smile.

Tobin takes a deep breath.

“I love you Christen”. She says it clearly and confidently, not an ounce of hesitation in her voice.

Christen didn’t know it was possible for her heart to feel as warm and as full to the brim as it does in that moment.

It’s indescribable. 

And then she realizes she hasn’t said anything back yet and she’s sighing “god Tobin I love you too” and crashing their lips together.

They both pull away after a while and Christen feels a tear slide down her cheek, quickly followed by another. 

Tobin wipes them away, but they're both smiling at each other so big it’s like the morning California sun is right there in the room with them. 

“I love you” Tobin repeats. Christen just laughs and smiles harder. “I’ve wanted to say it for so long, now I don’t want to stop”, and then she says it again.

Christen feels a slight pang of guilt in her chest, despite the still overwhelming warmth. “I’m sorry I stopped you last time, the time just didn’t feel right.” 

She doesn’t expect for Tobin to laugh.

“Oh babe, you really have no idea huh?”

Christen would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little confused now. She leans up on her elbow and holds her head in her hand. 

Tobin laughs softly again before she rolls on to her back and starts explaining. 

“It’s no secret that I’ve liked you for a long time Chris. But... sometimes I think I’ve been in love with you since the first moment I saw you.” 

Christen’s face must show her surprise, and perhaps even her skepticism.

“I know that sounds crazy, I thought I was crazy at the time too. So I convinced myself it was just a crush. But I think back to how I felt when I first met you that fateful day, I’d never felt anything like that before. It _ WAS _ kind of crazy.”

“Wait, Tobin what do you…”, Christen isn’t quite sure she knows how or even wants to finish that sentence. 

“Do you remember the very first time we met?” Tobin switches gears.

Christen tries to sort through all her early memories of Tobin working at the magazine site. She vaguely remembers Tobin first starting, and slowly taking more and more notice of her presence around the office. 

But she is somewhat ashamed to conclude that she can’t actually remember the first time they officially met. Their very first encounter, being introduced. It doesn’t stand out.

“I do. Like it was yesterday,” Tobin says.

“It was my second day, a Tuesday. I’d seen you on Monday when I was getting the tour and introductions done. And to be perfectly honest, you literally took my breath away. But then I didn’t see you again. Now I know you must have been in all your meetings that day, so I had to wait. On Tuesday I saw you head towards the break room and decide that I could also use a coffee refill. I was soooooo nervous. Everyone so far had been so friendly, but for some reason I was still terrified to introduce myself to you. But I did anyway. And then you barely gave me the time of day.”

Tobin laughs at the memory, and Christen covers her face with her hand in embarrassment but starts laughing too.

“I’m sorry! I was so in my own zone back then, I hope I wasn’t rude to you.”

“Chris, you don’t have a rude bone in your body. You were nice, don’t worry. And so fucking beautiful.”

God, Tobin can still make her blush like a schoolgirl.

“Even though you barely noticed me, from that day on I was hooked. But every time I tried to talk to you again, I got scared. I’d also never had any feelings whatsoever for a coworker before. And I was still new, and they felt so intense. After a couple weeks I decided it was best if maybe I just sort of steered clear of you.”

Christen knew Tobin liked her for a while first, but this adds a whole new perspective to just how long she had been on Tobin's radar. 

She feels both guilty and lowkey a little turned on at the thought of Tobin basically _pining_ after her for all that time before they actually had any sort of connection. 

“But I couldn’t get you out of my head. No matter how hard I tried.”

Christen finally leans back in to kiss Tobin, as if that alone could create an alternate past where they had, quote, “gotten their shit together” much faster. 

“I’m really glad you invited me to happy hour,” Christen says into the small space between them. 

“Me too” Tobin grins. “Anyway, I’m not saying it was love at first sight persay, and I never wanted to overwhelm you or scare you away. But I’ve felt _ something _ for you since day one Christen. And it’s only gotten stronger every day I've been around you since then.” 

“When did you know for sure?” Christen asks before she can stop herself.

Tobin’s answer is immediate, her smile is breathtaking. “The first day we went exploring the city together.”

“WHAT?? That early on?” Christen doesn't even pretend to hide her shock. 

Tobin laughs and nods her head. “Yeah, I told you, it’s been a long time. But that day I was sure, as crazy as it seemed even then. We had so much fun and you were just so carefree and happy. And not to mention ridiculously gorgeous. But not just on the outside, it was like, radiating from the inside out. And all day all I could think to myself was, I want to make her smile like that all the time. I want to feel like this, all the time, every day, forever. So by the time I got home that night, I stopped denying that yeah, it was love I felt for you.”

Christen crashes their mouths together once again before she starts crying...again.

“I knew the day you took me to play soccer in the park” she whispers against Tobin’s lips when they pull apart for air. She kisses her softly once more and reaches up to gently rub her hand and thumb along Tobin’s jaw. 

She of course doesn’t need to say anything else for Tobin to understand. 

And that’s just one of the many reasons she loves her. 

_ Loves. _

She loves Tobin. She is IN love with her. And she can say it now.

So she does, proudly. 

And Tobin says it back.

And yeah...she definitely wants to feel like this forever too. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Around the time I stopped updating this story last year, there was a lot going on personally, both good and bad.
> 
> Then 2020 hit. Long story short, I work in healthcare in the U.S., and have been an "essential worker" since day 1 of the pandemic. That's been stressful enough. 
> 
> I'm also young, Black, visibly queer/non-binary, and living several states away from my entire family. So if you've been paying any attention to the racial reckoning thats taking place in this country...needless to say things have been overwhelming lately. Getting through each day is hard. Existing while black is exhausting. The U.S. is an absolute shit show right now, with no real end in sight. We have a monster in the white house. People are dying by the thousands each day and there are idiots that still won't wear masks. 
> 
> So this story definitely got put on the back burner, I hope this didn't disappoint. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone that continued to leave kudos and comments here, and especially for all the kind messages on tumblr. Thanks for hanging in there.
> 
> I don't mean to preach, but also please know and remember that this story has been written by a proud, queer, BLACK woman. And my life matters. Black lives matter. Black queer lives matter. Black trans lives matter. 
> 
> This isn't just a movement, this is life and death for some of us. 
> 
> So in case you didn't hear me the first time, BLACK. LIVES. MATTER.
> 
> Message me on tumblr if you want to discuss the revolution. All racists will be blocked and deleted. 
> 
> As always thank you for reading, and let me know what you thought of the chapter :)


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